Raven hair and abyss eyes
by Sihaforlife
Summary: A collection of one-shots with F!Shep/Thane taking place mostly between the ending of ME2 and the Arrival DLC. t's going to be a healthy mix between romance, fluff, friendship, and angst. Rating changed to M. COMPLETE!
1. Street Kid

_This is the first of my one-shots about Thane and F!Shep._

 _Other characters will, of course, be involved as well._

 _Please leave a review and let me know what you think_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 ** _Street Kid_**

Early mornings were Shepard's favourite time of the day. Before she got stationed on her first warship, she used to get up early enough to watch the sunrise. It had always been a source of calm for her. To know that no matter what, the sun would rise once more. Unfortunately, there was no sunrise on the Normandy, unless you counted turning on the lights as a sunrise.

Another perk of being an early bird was to have breakfast in peace. She preferred to eat before even the mess sergeant had risen. Why people insisted on talking during breakfast, she'd never understand. Most of the people on the Normandy had now learned to not bother her before she had gotten at least one cup of coffee and one sandwich before talking to her, if they had gotten out of bed before her.

The clock next to the bed started blaring a loud, irritating beeping at the same time as every morning. Yawning, Shepard reached out a hand and slammed it down to get rid of the noise. Dressed in only an overly large t-shirt with the Alliance logo on it, she sat up and rubbed her piercing green eyes to get the sleep out of them. For a few moments, she simply sat on the edge of the bed and watched the fish swim by in the large aquarium. They were so beautiful. And carefree. With a small smile on her lips, she eventually got up. On her way to the shower, she pressed her finger on the feed button, sending brown flakes of fish food into the blue water. Immediately, the fish swam up to the surface and grabbed the food.

As she reached the shower, she removed her t-shirt and stepped in under the nozzle. The first splash of cold water immediately got rid of any sleep that still lingered in her body. Soon enough, the water warmed and Shepard relaxed. Humming a low tune under her breath, she shampooed her hair and washed her body with her unscented shower gel. She had never been a girly girl and didn't bother with scented shower products. The unscented ones were cheaper, anyway. And no one would notice if her hair smelled of roses or not.

Once she was done, she reluctantly turned off the shower and stepped out. The bathroom which had felt pleasantly warm before, now felt freezing. She quickly grabbed a large, fluffy towel and wrapped it around her thin frame. It pained her, but she had to agree with Joker. Cerberus seemed to know how to make their crew comfortable. Even their towels were nice. But she still refused to wear their clothes. She didn't have any of her N7 of Alliance clothes left, so she had purchased some semi-official looking working clothes on the Citadel. They consisted of a marine blue half-sleeve t-shirt and khaki-coloured worker's trousers, along with a pair of black military style boots.

With her black hair still damp, Shepard walked out of her quarters and stepped into the elevator. Once in there, she pressed the button for deck three. A few moments later, it announced that she had arrived by its signature _ding_ and Shepard stepped out. Much to her surprise, a light was on in the mess hall. It was the light over the table. So, someone was up. As she rounded the corner, she looked over the table to see who had risen this early.

It didn't really surprise her that it was Thane. She had seen him a few other times when she grabbed breakfast, but he normally took his cup of herbal tea into life support after giving her a courteous nod. Why was today different? Perhaps because of the whole thing with Kolyat yesterday. Or their heart-to-heart after the mission. Either way, Shepard didn't want to pry. She simply mumbled "good morning" to him before she stepped into the small kitchen to prepare her signature cup of black coffee and full grain sandwich with cheese and ham.

Thane was, as per usual, so quiet that Shepard nearly forgot he was there. It wasn't exactly rare that he scared the ever living crap out of someone by sneaking up on them (on accident, of course). He hadn't moved out of his position when Shepard sat down. His hands were still clasped around the steaming cup and his large, black eyes were fixed on the amber liquid. Shepard took her seat opposite him and pulled out a datapad to catch up on what was happening in the world.

They sat like that for a while, lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't until Shepard had finished her sandwich and had refilled her coffee that Thane spoke. He was always very thorough about respecting the other members of the Normandy's squad.

"Shepard." He simply said, his eyes now burrowing into Shepard's.

"Yes, Thane?" Shepard raised an eyebrow and pushed the datapad to the side.

"There's something I wish to speak to you about." Now that his cup was empty, he placed his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together.

"Alright, shoot."

There was never any telling as to what went on in the assassin's mind. His face was always a blank slate. Well, unless he disappeared into his memories. The pain on his face when he relived his last time with Kolyat... It had caused Shepard's heart to break for him and she had almost pulled him into a hug. Why, she didn't really know. She wasn't exactly an intimate person.

"Yesterday, while speaking with Bailey about Kolyat, you seemed... Unusually interested in learning about the 'duct rats'."

Ah, so he had noticed that. Shepard wasn't really surprised. He noticed everything, all the time. One time, on Omega, he had simply been looking out over the crowd while Shepard spoke quickly with Aria and he had then told her about the various crimes he had seen, as well as the best ways to get in and out without being noticed. When he quietly had told her how Aria's security was lacking, Shepard had urgently started ushering him away before both of them got shot one of Aria's thugs.

"My past is public information and I assume you've read up on me. You know I grew up on the streets." She shrugged. "I never worked with assassins, though. I ran in gangs instead."

"I am simply trying to understand." Thane tilted his head a bit and looked at her. "You must possess an unusual amount of discipline and motivation to get to where you are now from such a beginning."

"I had help." She said and sipped her coffee. "David Anderson, my previous captain, found me and fixed me up. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably still be on the streets."

"That was very kind of him. Was he the reason you joined the Alliance?"

"Yes, and yes." Shepard looked into her cup of coffee.

"You must excuse my curiosity." Thane said, interpreting her behaviour as if she was uncomfortable. "If you do not wish to discuss-"

"No, no." Shepard held up her hands. "It's fine, Thane. It's just rare that people want to know about my past. And after you told me all that about your wife yesterday, you deserve to ask questions."

A silence spread between them. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was simply that none of them could really think of anything to say. Shepard was a bit surprised about Thane's questions. Normally, she was the one asking the questions. No one else had asked her outright about her past. Garrus and Tali had subtly sneaked in questions in their conversations with her and had gotten their information that way. In her opinion, her past was irrelevant. She was more interested in learning about the others on the ship.

"How old were you?" There was no need for Thane to clarify what he meant.

"Sixteen." Shepard looked up once more. "I tried to steal his wallet, but I was too hopped up to do it properly."

"Hopped up?" Thane raised an eyebrow at the human idiom.

"High on drugs." Shepard chewed on the inside of her cheek. "There's a drug on earth called heroin. After drugs like hallex and red sand started appearing on earth, heroin and similar substances became much cheaper. Even we street kids could afford it. When we managed to get our hands on some money, that was."

"And you used this?" There was no judgement in his voice, simply mild curiosity.

"Yes. To pass the time and to forget how hungry or cold I was." She cleared her throat. "But that is in the past."

For a few moments, Thane simply looked at her with those black eyes. She felt like she could drown in those eyes. It was like looking into a well. So many secrets that she wished to learn.

"You're quite extraordinary, Shepard." The drell eventually said as he rose and grabbed his empty cup.

"How so?" Shepard was now frowning deeply and leaned back in her chair. She still had coffee in her mug.

"Despite everything you have been through, and not just during your childhood, you maintain a kind heart." He didn't look at her as he continued. "And, without being naive, you seem to believe everyone has a redeeming feature."

Shepard had no idea what to say to that. Luckily, Thane didn't seem to expect a response, as he walked over to the sink and left his cup there right after finishing his last sentence. Without looking back, he walked into life support and closed the door behind him. What the hell was happening? She had just told Thane one of her most guarded secrets. Not even Garrus or Tali, her best friends, knew about her previous drug addiction.

 _Jesus christ, Shepard..._ She thought to herself as she grabbed the datapad again. _Are you falling in love with a dying man?_


	2. Pity war

_**Pity war**_

The only one on the ship that was even less social than Thane was Jack. And both parties were guilty for this one. Most people were a scared of her, and Jack wasn't exactly doing her best to show them otherwise. She had blown up on Gardner not too long ago for not warning her that the food was hot. Jack was the definition of hot tempered. Yet, something drew Shepard down to the lower deck to chat with the younger woman. Though Jack always seemed mildly disinterested in their conversations, she hadn't explicit told Shepard to fuck off. Yet.

Shepard was currently located down where Jack spent most of her time. What the hell she was doing down there with all her free time, Shepard didn't know and she sure as hell didn't want to know. Some things should just be left alone.

"I always do the smart thing if people fuck with me." Jack said, finishing her rather fucked up version of story time. "That's probably something you should remember."

A small frown appeared on Shepard's face. She wasn't sure if that was a threat. If it was, she should probably start sleeping with one eye open. If it wasn't, she'd just have to remember to not do anything to anger Jack.

"I have to go, but we should do this again." Shepard felt that it was probably time to end this conversation before either of them said something they'd regret.

"Wait." Jack took a few steps towards her, her voice sharp. "People usually walk away by now. Why are you really asking all of these questions?"

Shepard took a moment to think about what she wanted to say. Why did she ask those questions? A small voice in the back of her mind wondered if it was because Jack reminded her of her younger self? She hadn't been much different to Jack the first year she was with Anderson. Minus the biotics and the love for killing, of course. But the feeling like the whole world was against her and that no one could understand her pain... Shepard could definitely relate to that.

"I've never met anyone like you." She settled on eventually.

"Whatever. It'll come back to what you can take." Jack's voice was still hard. "It always does."

Something happened then. Shepard felt an anger unlike anything she had ever felt before rise in her chest. Normally, she was very good at controlling her feelings, but the stress combined with a lack of sleep she was currently experiencing had apparently gotten to her.

"For fuck's sake, Jack." She growled as she spun around, her eyes narrowing. "Can you get into your thick skull that I actually care about you? You're a part of my squad, I want to get to know you and if possible, I want to make things better for you."

"You don't know what it's like-" Jack started and it only threw more fuel on the fire in Shepard's chest.

"I fucking do. But don't expect me to tell you. I don't want to start a bloody pity war. I know that you think your problems are the only ones that matter, that you have experienced more pain than anyone else in this fucking galaxy, but if you ever bothered to talk with someone else you'd find that everyone on this ship has their own issues. But do you know what the difference is? They don't let their problems define them. Samara had to kill her own daughter, you don't see her breaking down or threatening to smear the walls with other crew members."

"But-"

"No, shut up. Garrus lost ten of his closest friends because the eleventh decided to fuck them over. Zaeed was shot in the head and has pretty severe PTSD, even if he doesn't want to admit it. Tali was nearly exiled from her people because her father didn't think about the consequences of his actions."

"I-"

"Yes, I know you had it bad. I've made it pretty fucking clear that I think what they did to you is fucked up. But stop fucking thinking that no one else matters and that your feelings are the only ones that matter."

Jack looked a bit shell-shocked after Shepard's outbreak and blinked a few times in an attempt to recover. Shepard didn't wait for that to happen and instead marched up the stairs, still fuming. She knew that what she had done was selfish and idiotic. But it felt pretty damn good to just yell at someone.

* * *

With a frown and slightly narrowed eyes, Thane read over the message he had been conducting for Kolyat. They had kept up their communications for the last few weeks and it was going well, so far. Community service seemed to suit the younger drell well and he seemed to get more and more at peace with himself each day. It brought Thane quite a lot of joy.

Things were, for the first time in ten years, going well for the assassin. By what was nothing short of a miracle, he had met a second siha and had reconciled with his son. In the evenings, instead of losing himself in memories with Irikah, as he had before, he was now planning for the upcoming vacation in the desert. Occasionally, he lost himself in the memories of his and Shepard's conversations. She did not only match his skills in combat, but in intellect as well. She had an interest in painting, poetry and reading. She seemed to enjoy the drell authors Thane had suggested to her. As for himself, he had been going through Ernest Hemingway's wast collection of novels. He didn't much care for them, to be frank.

Thane was brought out of his thoughts as he heard the door behind him open and the footsteps told him that Shepard had once more come to visit. The smile she always brought to his lips appeared once more. But as she sat down and leaned her forehead against the table, his smile faltered.

"Siha?" He asked, unsure on how to proceed. "Are you alright?"

"No." She muttered, her voice hard. "I just yelled at Jack for a good while."

"Oh." Thane couldn't really think of anything else to say.

Shepard was always restrained and had control of her feelings. It wasn't like her to lose control and yell at someone. Especially not someone from her crew.

"May I asked what happened?" He eventually asked.

"I'm just so fucking sick of her constant talk about how bad she had it, how nobody else understand, how everyone has used her, how she'll never trust anyone ever again... Like she thinks she's the only one with issues on this messed up crew. I know it was wrong to yell at her and I know that she still has scars from what happened, both mental and physical. And I know how she feels. I was the same when Anderson first took me that I was alone in being in pain, that no one else could ever understand how it felt to be betrayed. But I grew up. Moved on. I wish she could do the same. Right now, she feels like a liability. I can't have that. How can I bring her on missions while being scared she'll flip on one of us? That she can't control her biotics?"

Thane maintained a polite silence. It seemed like Shepard had bottled this up for too long and the pent up emotions were now being released in an explosive manner. And he was more than happy to listen to her rant, if it made her feel better.

"Am I selfish, Thane?" She looked up at him, her forest green eyes filled with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"No." Thane meant what he said. "It's understandable that you want your crew to be happy and functional. Perhaps yelling them into submission isn't the most successful method. However, I doubt conventional methods would work on Jack. I suspect something humans refer to as 'tough love' might be more effect."

"Hm." Shepard looked down at their hands that were now linked. Thane had barely noticed that he had cupped both of her hands. "I should go and apologise."

* * *

Jack was sat on her bed with her arms crossed over her chest and staring into the wall on the opposite of the wall. As Shepard descended the stairs, she attempted to determine what mood the younger woman was in. She certainly didn't want Jack to smear the walls with her.

"Hey, Jack." Shepard said softly. There was no answer from the other. "I just wanted to say-"

"You're right."

"I'm sor- Wait, what?" Shepard frowned deeply, for a moment wondering if she had heard wrong.

"You're right." Jack's expression and voice softened a bit. "My past can't control me. Subject zero is dead. She died with Teltin. I need to grow a pair and stop feeling sorry for himself. The past is in the past, or some shit like that."

"Oh." It was not Shepard's turn to be shell-shocked. "That's very... Mature of you, Jack. I'm proud."

"I'm never going to social or some shit like that. So don't expect that."

"You take what you can get with you, Jack." Shepard smiled. "I'll leave you alone now. But, I meant what I said. I'm proud of you."

"Hey, Shepard." Jack said and stood up just as the commander was about to leave. "I'd beat you in a pity war any day."

"Let's not go there..."

* * *

 _Thanks for reading!_

 _I promise the next chapter is going to be nicer than the first two ones._


	3. Socialisation

_As promised, a light-hearted chapter!_

* * *

 ** _Socialisation_**

"I then I told 'im to stick it up his fuckin' arse!" Zaeed explained and gestured wildly with his fork, sending what was left of the mashed potatoes flying around the room. "You don't deal with batarians. Goddam' terrorist. Won't waste an opportunity to shoot you in the back."

"I had a batarian in my squad back on Omega." Garrus said as he broke off a piece from the dextro energy bar that seemed to be all that he ate. Turians weren't famous for their cuisine. "Not really a friendly guy, but he knew his stuff."

It was food time on the Normandy. It was one of the few times people gathered and conversed. The collection of oddballs that Shepard had gathered normally kept to themselves. All of them had their scars and some of them had been alone for so long that they had forgotten how to socialise. But Shepard constantly tried to get them to come out of their shells and join the rest of the crew. And since he was very fond of Shepard, Thane was willing to give it a go.

However, he was unsure of how to approach the table which was already full. Zaeed, Garrus, Jacob, Joker and Tali had all squeezed in at the table. Shepard wasn't among them, he noticed. This was rare, but not unheard of. She'd lock herself in her quarters and not come out for some time. When she then emerged, she acted as if it had never happened. Thane was mildly curious about was she did while in there, but he wasn't going to ask. She'd tell him if she wanted to.

The presence of Jacob made the whole endeavour even more daunting. Mr Taylor still didn't trust Thane and the assassin wasn't keen on breeding more hostility between the two of them. The team needed to be united and if the only way for that to happen was for Thane to stay out of Jacob's way, he'd be more than happy to do it.

Thane scanned over the table again and frowned a bit. For a moment, he thought about going back into Life Support.

"Look who's come out of his den." Garrus called out as his eyes fell on the drell. "Gonna join us?"

Well, it looked like he wasn't going to go back into life support.

"Yeah, lizard man. Join us." Zaeed said.

Thane frowned at the older man's nickname for him. There was no hostility in his voice, so he assumed the nickname wasn't an insult. However, he wasn't sure what a lizard was and wasn't going to make any assumptions before he had done some researching on the extranet.

"I might as well." Thane said and pulled up a chair to take a seat. With his back straight and his shoulders squared, he folded his hands in his lap.

"It's nice to see you out of Life Support. We haven't had time to talk much." Tali said and even though Thane couldn't see her face, he could hear the smile on her voice.

Despite the fact he had only met Tali a few weeks ago, he was already very fond of her. It seemed like everyone else on the ship was as well. She was a very pleasant person to be around. There was nothing complicated about her. She was just plain nice.

"My apologies. Travelling with others is not what I'm used to." Thane explained.

"Is it because assassins work alone or because no one wants an extra dangerous merc to have their back?" Jacob grumbled as he pushed around food with his fork.

"Oh, come on Taylor." Garrus reached over to give Jacob a push, which was just a bit too hard to be friendly. "Thane has saved your ass more times than you can count. We can trust him."

"And if he wanted to kill us, we'd probably all be dead by now." Joker said, his voice having the usual carefree tone.

Yes, this was very clearly a mistake. Thane had been at the table for less than five minutes and they were already arguing about how trustworthy he was. It hurt a bit, he had to admit. But they didn't know what Shepard did. To them, he was cold, distant and perhaps even scary. Had this been before he joined up with Shepard, he would have seen it as appropriate for them to seem him as such. But now... He was different. He was awake.

Jacob grumbled something under his breath and left the table, dropping his plate off in the sink for the mess sergeant to take care of it.

"Don't mind him." Garrus said and waved his three fingered hand around. "I think he's just jealous you have the commander's eye."

The turian winked at him and Thane frowned. Had it really been that obvious? It wasn't that he and Shepard had attempted to keep their feelings for each other hidden, but they hadn't gone public with it either.

"Ever heard of something called 'scutterbug'?" Joker swallowed down a mouthful of mashed potatoes before continuing. "It's another word for gossiping. Nothing stays a secret on a ship for long. Hell, everyone on the original Normandy has seen each other naked. Unisex bathrooms."

Joker seemed to shudder at the thought.

"I'm still scarred from seeing a turian without clothes. They're about as ugly as you think they are."

"The joys of being a quarian." Tali said as she put some more food in through her filters. "The suit has an automatic cleaning system."

"Drell don't have the need to shower." Thane finally felt like he had something to add to the conversation. "We don't sweat and humidity is something we should avoid."

"A shame." Zaeed scraped the plate. After Shepard's shopping on the Citadel, the food had gotten a lot better. "You can't enjoy a shower wank."

"A what?" Thane raised an eyebrow and saw Garrus' mandibles twitch. Joker tried to conceal a snicker by coughing.

"A wank." Zaeed repeated, as if that would clarify it. "Beat the meat, hug the hog, thump the pump."

The males of the table were no longer able to contain their laughter. Joker was laughing and a faint blush had appeared on his cheeks. Garrus was shaking his head in disbelief and chuckled silently as well. Tali seemed to be the only one who was as lost as Thane was. The two of them looked at each other, equally confused.

"Masturbation." Joker finally managed to squeeze out.

"Oh." Thane said as calm as usual. He did not understand why this evoked such a reaction among the other males. "I do not see why it should be more enjoyable in the shower than anywhere else."

"No need to clean up." Zaeed explain as Garrus and Joker calmed themselves.

"I see." Thane still wasn't seeing the funny part.

Silence fell over the table after that, only interrupted by Tali who mumbled something about checking the drive core. Zaeed left soon after and Joker followed suit. That only left Garrus and Thane.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." Garrus said and his eyes fixed on Thane. He was more serious now than he had been around the others. "I know you and Shepard have a thing going on and I just wanted you to know that I care a lot about Shepard. Not in a romantic way, but she is my friend. And she's been through a lot. Still going through a lot."

"I am aware." Thane said, smiling slightly. He knew Shepard and Garrus were close friends. It was touching to see the turian looking out for her. "Believe me when I say that I will do everything in my power to ensure her happiness."

"Good." Garrus' face softened. "Glad to hear it."

* * *

"The viper is way better than the mantis!" Garrus exclaimed.

"Incorrect." Thane said, his voice as calm as ever. "While the viper allows you to make more several shots before having to reload, it is not as powerful as the mantis."

"Well, what if you miss?"

"I don't miss."

Shepard stepped off the elevator and was greeted by the two familiar voices. She was on her way to speak with Kasumi concerning the raid on Donovan Hock in the morning. She still hadn't told Shepard what this was exactly and Shepard disliked to throwing her into something blind. Also, she was very interested in knowing why on earth she was required to wear a dress for the mission.

As she looked around the corner and peeked into the mess, she saw Garrus and Thane sit by the table. Thane's elbows were resting on the table and his hands were clasped together. Garrus had leaned back and kicked his feet up on another chair.

"Despite having to reload between every shot, I would be able to bring down more enemies with the mantis than you would with the viper." Thane said and the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Game on, Krios." Garrus said.

Shepard smiled and continued towards Port Observation. She was glad to see that Thane had listened to her about leaving Life Support more often, and that he seemed to be getting along with Garrus.


	4. Be alive with me

**_Warning!_**

 _There will be mentions of sex in this chapter._

 _It's not going to be anything graphic, like descriptions of sex, but if it bothers you, perhaps skip this chapter._

* * *

 ** _Be alive with me_**

"Thane..." Shepard said and wrapped her fingers around his clenched fist.

She could see the pain in his eyes, the tears running down his cheeks and his quivering lips. When they had met, she had only known him as a master assassin. She had seen him take four lives within the span of seven seconds (yes, she had counted). Then, he had laid the target of his assassination to rest with her hands crossed over her chest and prayed for himself. Already then had he caught her attention. At that time, she had been impressed, in awe and perhaps a bit scared.

However, when she had started speaking to him down in Life Support, the dangerous assassin had slowly pealed away to reveal someone who was actually quite sensitive and caring. Someone who had lost too much, someone with a broken heart and someone in need of a little TLC, whether it be by a lover or a friend. He just needed someone who cared. By some miracle, she had managed to become that person. The one who came to care for him and who got to see who he really was.

He straightened up from the table and looked at her.

"Be alive with me tonight." She whispered and stroke over his cheek.

His expression softened slightly and he leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. At first, the kiss was rough, rushed. Shepard could taste the salt from his tears. They seemed to be more salty than human tears. It was probably because of some logical reason. Like, drell were designed for desert living and therefore couldn't risk loosing too much fluids. Or something like that.

"Shh..." Shepard broke away from him and forced him to look her in the eye. "Don't rush. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I want you to be comfortable."

"Apologies." Thane mumbled and looked down at the floor. "It's been long since I was touched by someone. Though my mind remembers how it feels, I suspect my body has forgotten how to act."

"We'll take it slow. I'm a bit rusty as well."

* * *

Thane's arm was thrown across her stomach and he was sleeping, or at least resting, next to her. His scales in varying shades of green glistened in the blue light from the aquarium. His face was relaxed, no sign of the tension that had been there about an hour ago. Shepard knew she had to wake him soon. They had to be approaching the Omega-4 relay. And the collector base. If they even got through the relay. She sighed and looked up at the skylight.

She wasn't sure how to describe the last hour. It had been good, no doubt about that. It had been much better than what she had experienced with Kaiden before Ilos. She glanced over at Thane again. They hadn't fucked, or even had sex. It had been... Making love.

Shepard had never experienced anything like it. Over the course of her life, she had been with various people, both men and women. The only thing she could barely call a relationship was what she had with Kaiden. With the others, it had been sex. Sometimes, for the sex itself, sometimes to get something out of it. It had never been love involved.

But with Thane, it had been so loving, so tender. The way his lips touched hers, the way his hands caressed her curves and the way he whispered her name or called her siha. She just hoped she had made it somewhat pleasurable for him. She'd hate herself for eternity if she was shit. The only man she had ever truly cared for...

"Commander." She nearly flew out of the bed when Joker's voice came over the intercom.

Next to her, Thane withdrew his arm and sat up in the same motion. He looked around the room, every muscle tense and ready to spring into action. _And they call me paranoid_. Shepard thought to herself. Once he realised there was no threat, he relaxed.

"We're going through the relay in about half an hour. Want me to tell the team to get ready?"

"Yeah." Shepard answered and sat on the edge of the bed. "But I want everyone at their posts when we go through the relay. We need to keep an eye on our systems the whole time. Who knows what will happen."

"Roger that."

Shepard placed her elbows on her knees and leaned her head in her palms. Though she pretended to not be, she was worried. She had grown to love everyone on board the Normandy. Jack, who had started to mellow. Her relaxing chats with Samara while looking out into space. Grunt, or as Garrus called him, Shepard's krogan baby. Mordin, with his weird birds and bees conversations. And, of course, there was Thane. She didn't want to lose any of them. Just as the thought of him crossed her mind, he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. She hadn't heard him get up.

"Siha." He said softly and placed his warm hand on the small of her back.

"Thane." She smiled at him and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Was it pleasant for you?" His nails carefully raked over her skin, sending pleasant chills up her spine.

"It was the best hour of my life." She assured him. "And you?"

"As I said before, it has been many years since I've been touched by another. You made it better than I could recall it."

"Glad to hear it." She pressed a kiss against the rough skin on his shoulder. "Come on, we have a base to blow up."

* * *

Shepard ran. Adrenaline was pumping through her system, numbing the fatigue and the pain from the various new wounds she had acquired. She could hear the collectors closing in behind them. In her head, she was silently counting. What had it been? Six or seven minutes since she had armed that explosive. How long had they been out after the reaper larva fell on them? She didn't know, all she knew was that if they didn't make it to the Normandy soon enough, they'd be dead for sure. She wasn't sure about the rest of the squad, how many of them were alive. She'd just have to hope.

Thane was in front of her, along with Tali. The drell was taking the lead with Tali not far behind. Shepard, however, was beginning to fall behind. Humans had always been a slow race. They were built for long distances. Not sprints. Her lungs burned, her legs started to feel numb and as she felt a collector's bullet hit her with such force that she nearly toppled over, she felt like giving up. But, there was the Normandy, up and running. It was the motivation she needed. Seeing Joker in the air lock with a assault rifle was also quite a sight to behold.

With a grunt, she started making her way up the slope. Thane and Tali jumped over the small gap between the base and the Normandy. As Shepard approached the same gap, a piece of the now disintegrating base fell down to smash the platforms. The gap was too big. She'd never make it. But it was that, be gunned down by the collectors, or die in an explosion. She was at least going to die trying.

Just before she took the jump, she looked up to see Thane looking at her. His eyes seemed even larger than they usually were and they were fixed on her as she took the running jump.

Time seemed to slow down and sound seemed to disappear from the world. For what felt like ages, she was unsure if she was going to make it or not. She felt like she spent a life time in the gap between safety and a hoard of mutated protheans. Then her hands collided with the steel and everything returned to normal. The bullets hailed on the hull next to her and she made a silent prayer to a god she didn't believe in that her shields would last until she managed to pull herself up.

"I've got you." A rough voice said as strong hands grabbed her. "I've got you, Shepard."

With a groan, Thane pulled Shepard up onto the Normandy and into his arms. Joker slammed the button next to the door and it slid shut, shielding them from the continuing hail of bullets.

* * *

Everyone had made it. Everyone from the crew and everyone from the squad. They were all back. Shepard was relieved, to say the least. And she was proud. Her band of misfits her pulled through. Sure, there were a few injuries, both physical and mental, but they were all alive. That was all that mattered in the end.

And she told the Illusive man that she was quitting by essentially giving him the middle finger. He was a terrorist as far as she was concerned and she had simply taken his resources. Now that she had done what he had asked, he could go and stuff it for all she cared.

With a sigh, she rubbed a hand through her hair and exited the comm room. She was going to grab some medi-gel from the medbay to patch her larger wounds up, check up on the squad and crew. Then, it was off to bed.

"Siha." Thane stood directly outside the door of the comm room. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just tired." She rubbed a hand over her face. "And you?"

"I-" He looked down. "I thought I was going to lose you."

"Well, you didn't." She wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned against him for a moment. "I can't believe we all survived that. I'm so proud of everyone."


	5. Rashes

**_Rashes_**

Thane's skin was rough against Shepard's fingers as she stroke them absentmindedly over his arm. It was the evening after the collector base and the drell laid on her sofa, looking up at the ceiling. They were currently docking in Omega, while a few of the surprising number of good mechanics on the otherwise unpleasant space station were performing emergency repairs. If a ship could limp, it was what the Normandy had been doing since they came back from the relay. Somehow, she had made it to Omega.

Most of the crew had decided to stay on board the ship while the repairs took place, and not take in at a hotel. It was understandable. Who knew what vermin would creep in the walls here? It was nothing they wanted to get onto the ship, that much was sure.

Some of the less injured of the squad had gone out to celebrate their victory with drinks. Grunt had taken a blast to the arm after pushing Jack out of the way and was being treated by Chakwas, who insisted that she was fit for duty. The young krogan wasn't exactly happy about being stuck in the medbay. Tali had gotten a minor suit rapture and Kasumi had taken one to the arm. Compared to what they had expected, this was nothing.

Though Thane hadn't taken any gunfire, the air on the base hadn't done his Kepral's any good. As he lay on Shepard's sofa, he was bare-chested to ease breathing and he hadn't spoken much. He had assured her that he would feel better tomorrow, as long as he got some time to gather his strength. Shepard was willing to give him as much time as possible. If she could, she'd give him all the time in the galaxy.

She was dressed in nothing but a light tank-top and some sweatpants. This was an outfit she never wore outside her quarters. Though she considered the crew her friends, she still needed to maintain some professionalism. Besides, she wouldn't go out shopping in these clothes, so why would she walk around the ship in them?

"Siha." Thane said and his gentle fingers touched inside of her arm.

A small rash had started to develop on her arms. Well, it had started to develop over most of her body, to be frank. It itched, yes, but it was nothing uncomfortable. Mordin had warned her about them and they didn't bother her. And if they were a side effect of nights with Thane, so be it. She wasn't going to stop being with him just because of that small detail.

"Hm?" Shepard looked over at him, noticing his furrowed brow. "You okay?"

"What is this?" He requested to know, ignoring her question.

"It's a rash." She shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Mordin requested you'd come and see him if a rash developed." Thane reminded her and sat up. He didn't sound as breathless as he had done that morning.

"Thane, I'm fine. Don't worry. I've been through worse. A bit of itching isn't going to kill me."

Thane stood up and grabbed his jacket. He was quite sexy, Shepard mused as she watched him. Much like a snake, he had a darker skin colour on his back, which faded into a lighter colour on his stomach. There was also a pattern on his back which, similar to that of a western diamond back rattlesnake. It contained nearly every shade of green she could think of. He was also incredibly muscular after years of working with his body. There was little fat on his body and she could see every muscle working under the rough skin. Damn, he was beautiful.

"Where are you going?" She asked with a frown when he started to put his jacket on.

"To Mordin's." He said and looked over at her as he zipped up the last zipper. "And you are coming with me."

"Can I change first, at least?"

* * *

"None lethal injury. Continue to apply medi-gel when necessary. Should clear up in a day or two. Come back if it doesn't."

The door to Mordin's office was open. Chakwas was busy with Grunt down in the med-bay and with so many of the crew injured after being abducted by the collectors, the two doctors were working in tandem to treat all of them.

"Thanks, Mordin." Kasumi's voice followed Mordin's.

"Come on, Thane. Mordin's busy." Shepard said and stopped dead in her tracks. "We shouldn't bother him."

"Shepard-" Thane cocked an eyebrow. "-are you ashamed?"

There was just mild tone of amusement in his voice as he spoke.

"Not everyone needs to know we're sexually active." She muttered under her breath, even though the CIC was empty.

"It's most likely they already know." Thane said casually. "Scutterbug."

This caused Shepard to raise an eyebrow. What the hell? The word sounded so strange coming from him. She never thought he'd be one to use slang. It seemed that he noticed her expression and smiled softly at her.

"I have been socialising."

"Good lord." Shepard shook her head before sighing. "Fine, let's do this."

Mordin looked up as the pair entered the lab and Shepard could see a mischievous smile on Kasumi's lips, despite her having her hood down. Though she drove Shepard up the walls sometimes, there was something endearing about the thief. And she was the only one who was allowed to call Shepard 'Shep'. If anyone else tried it, they'd probably have their own omni-tool up their arse before they could say another word.

"Shep, come by when you have a moment. _I want details._ " She had whispered the last few words to Shepard, but the whole room had probably heard.

Once she was gone, Shepard slammed the button on the door to close it and then turned to Mordin. She was no longer wearing the tank top, so the rash wasn't visible anymore. The salarian walked up to them and looked between them. It was obvious that he knew exactly why they were there.

"Thane, Shepard." He greeted. "How can I help?"

"Shepard acquired a rash from our night in her quarters." Thane said before Shepard could say anything and squared his shoulders. "I recalled your warning about such a thing."

"Ah, I see." Mordin immediately walked over to his desk. "Any other side effects? Hallucinations?"

"No." Shepard said with a shake of her head. "Well, some tingling in my tongue, but nothing other than that."

"How did it feel?" Mordin asked without looking up.

"Erm..." Shepard cleared her throat. "How did what feel, exactly?"

"The tongue tingling."

A blush had started creeping up Shepard's throat and she felt her cheeks heat up. Was this what kids went through when getting the infamous talk about sex?

"Oh." Thank god for that. "Sort of like licking the end of a battery."

"You've licked the end of a battery?" Thane said with a quirked eyebrow.

"I was a stupid kid." Shepard sighed. "I also put a fork in an electrical socket. Made for one hell of a bang."

"I can imagine."

That smile of amusement appeared on Thane's lips again. It seemed like she was the only one who was capable of bringing it out. Well, at least she had only seen him smile that way around her. And she was in love with that smile. It made his features soften and his eyes sparkle.

"Shepard." Mordin said and held out a small bottle, forcing her to look away from Thane. "Rub this on afflicted area. If possible, avoid prolonged skin contact until rash disappears. Avoid putting forks in sockets as well."


	6. Desert Pt1

_**Desert**_

 _Pt. 1_

Why there were large, luxury single floor villas for rent out in the middle of the Namib desert, Shepard would never know, or understand. Why someone would want to live this far from civilisation was a mystery to her.

The place was built like the houses were built at the turn of the 21st century. There were barely any walls inside the house. Everything, apart from the bathroom (which was huge and had a jacuzzi) and the bedroom (which was even bigger) was in one large room. The kitchen was only divided off from the rest with a half wall which stretched from one wall, to about the middle of the living room.

It was tastefully, though sparsely, decorated for two. A two-seat sofa, two chairs by the table, two lounge chairs on the patio. However, the enormous bed could easily host four people. Perhaps even six, if they were thin and everybody was spooning.

Two of the four outer walls were completely made of glass. Luckily, the bedroom only had solid walls with a few windows, so the rising sun wouldn't wake them up. But they'd be able to enjoy the sunset either out on the patio, or in the living room. Privacy wasn't an issue since they were, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. The nearest town was a few kilometers away. It was nice and quiet.

"So, what do you think?" Shepard asked Thane as she unceremoniously dropped their bags after stepping in through the door.

While she was sweating profusely from just walking to the house from the car in 45 degrees Celsius, Thane seemed completely comfortable. This was his native environment, after all. His dark eyes scanned over the living room and he walked over to one of the windows. Putting his hands behind his back, he looked out over the sand dunes, the rocks and a few gemsboks who were grazing on the tufts of desert grass.

During one of their many chats in life support aboard the Normandy, Thane had mentioned that he would like to see a desert. Shepard, being the loving girlfriend she was, had immediately started looking for desert planets which would be suitable for both of them. When she told Thane about her plans, he was actually the one who suggested one of Earth's many deserts. They chose Namib because, well, Shepard put in the search term _Earth's most beautiful deserts_ and Namib was the first one on that list.

The rest of the Normandy had taken a vacation as well. There was still work to do, after this vacation was over. Merc groups had started taking advantage of newly abandoned colonies. Some collectors that hadn't been on the base when it was destroyed were also out wreaking havoc. But, they could wait for a while.

"There's no one alive today that remembers how Rakhana looked when it was still teeming with life, since the hanar were the ones who discovered us." Thane said without turning around. "If it was anything like this, then I'm disappointed in my species for losing such a beautiful home."

"I'm assuming that is a statement of approval." Shepard walked up to him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Yes, it is." Thane assured her and turned his head to smile at her. "Thank you for doing this for me, siha."

"Don't mention it. I needed a vacation. I don't think I've ever taken a vacation, to be honest. If you don't count spending two years dead as a vacation."

With a smile still on his lips, Thane turned completely towards her and placed his hands on her waist. She had seen those hands snap a man's neck, as well as produce biotics that were strong enough to smash someone's head. Those same hands were now gently caressing her through her light tank-top. Still smiling, he kissed her lips gently.

"Perhaps it doesn't seem much to you, but it does mean a lot to me." He kissed her again.

"Well, I'm glad you like it." She stroke over Thane's cheek then down over his chest.

* * *

It was evening and it was finally beginning to cool down. It wouldn't be too long until it became unbearable to stay outside. At night, the temperature dropped from a scorching 40+ Celsius to below 0 Celsius. Shepard sat out in one of the lounge chairs, looking towards the setting sun. Thane had disappeared inside some time ago.

It was nice to see him this relaxed. His breathing had improved after just one day and though this would do nothing to take away the disease, it would at least make him feel a bit better. Both mentally and physically. But Shepard had no idea how to do this. When she had booked this, she had thought _vacation, how hard can it be?_ But it was harder than she thought. Just... Sitting there, doing nothing. She wasn't used to it. When life had been hectic, she had dreamt about just sitting down and taking it easy. Now that she was doing just that, she wasn't seeing the appeal in it.

She also had no idea how to be a girlfriend. On board the Normandy, she and Thane had only been able to have somewhat brief conversations in-between missions. Besides hand-holding and the one night in her quarters before the collector base, there hadn't really been anything between them. Was she just... Too broken by fighting? By being alone? Being Commander Shepard had become too much of her identity. Her friends never called her by her first name, some even insisted on calling her commander. Thane was the only one who called her something other than that.

"Siha, it's getting cold." Thane's gentle voice came to her from the sliding patio door. "Come inside."

Snapping out of her thoughts, Shepard nodded and stood up. The small hairs on her arms stood up as a chill went through the air. Deserts had always been fascinating to her. So warm during the day, but freezing during the night. And somehow, life survived here. As she walked past Thane, his hand brushed over her arm. At least he had some experience in this. He had been married once.

"Is something bothering you?" He asked and closed the door behind her.

"No, it's fine." Shepard lied and smiled. "Just a bit tired."

"I see."

He saw right through her lie, but just had too much tact to mention it. She wondered what he thought was bothering her? Perhaps he knew exactly what bothered her. Perhaps he had felt the same way when he first met Irikah.

With a sigh, Shepard sat down in the sofa and patted the free space next to her. The worrying frown on his face disappeared and the drell sat down next to her. He let the back of one of his hands brush against her cheek and then comb through her hair. Gently, he twirled the dark strands between his fingers. She leaned against him, taking in his smell. His smell was hard to describe. It wasn't strong, just a bare hint of something spicy. The closest thing she could think of was cardamom. Whatever it was, it was a pleasant smell.

"I love you, siha." Thane said out of nowhere. "You mentioned that it might be too early to call it love, but it is what I feel for you. And I don't know how long I have left. I wish to tell you while I still can."

Well, that was... Unexpected. Shepard was glad to hear it, though. But what on Earth was she supposed to respond? She loved Thane, right?

"Thane..." Shepard looked up to see him looking back at her. "I... I've never been in love before. My whole life has been about being a soldier. Personal life has always taken a back seat, you know? What I had with Kaiden, I don't know what the fuck that was. We had sex, then the ship blew up just a few weeks later. I didn't have friends before joining the Normandy either. And some friends I have, huh? I love them and all, but none of them seemed to care that I was alive. It was just _hiya Shepard. You wanna kill some collectors? Sure, count me in_. Like nothing had even happened. For me, nothing has happened. But for them it had been two years. And..."

Shepard forced herself to take a deep breath. She was rambling like an idiot and Thane was just looking at her, his head slightly cocked to one side. Dammit, this was embarrassing. If a wave of husks came running towards her, she didn't flinch, just readied her SMG. If Harbinger started sending fireballs towards her, she just ducked before continuing to assault the body he'd taken control of with bullets from her Carnifex. If mercs who were set on killing her started charging, she found the highest place and readied her sniper rifle, picking them off as they came. She wasn't someone who got scared. Except for when feelings were involved, apparently.

"What I'm trying to say is that I love you too." She leaned against him again. "I think my soul has been asleep. And you woke me."

For a few moments, Thane didn't say or do anything. Shepard worried that she might have ruined this with her stupid stumbling of words.

"When your soul awakens, it can be difficult. Feelings that have been dulled are suddenly sharp, like bullets. Things or events that didn't face you before, now make you unable to act."

"Is there any male equivalent of siha?" Shepard asked quietly.

"It is never specified if the angel Siha is male or female, though it is widely accepted that Siha is female." He smiled. "To answer your question: There's none that I know of."

"Hm, too bad." Shepard looked at him. "I love you, Thane."

* * *

Thane sat on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. It was dark in the room and Shepard was snoring silently from the bed. She was undressed, since she hadn't bothered to get dressed after their session in the sheets. Though there was nothing wrong with her quarters on board the Normandy, this bed was a lot softer and comfortable than the one on the ship.

Her reaction to when he had told her he loved her still troubled Thane. He worried he had made her uncomfortable by confessing how deep his feelings for her went. Even though she had repeated them back to him, he still worried. And he worried about what she had said. About how she believed none of her friends really cared about her. Somehow, he felt like this was worse than having no friends.

But they did care about her, he thought. He remembered how Garrus had seen him on the way up to Shepard's quarters before the collector base.

 _"Hey, Krios." The turian called out, his steps hurried._

 _"Garrus." Thane replied as he tried to keep his emotions hidden from the other male._

 _"Are you going up to see Shepard?"_

 _There was a hard look in the eyes of the turian Thane couldn't really place. It wasn't anger as such, more of a warning look. Intimidating._

 _"Yes, that was my plan." Thane admitted._

 _"Look, in case I wasn't clear enough before." Garrus crossed his arms over his chest. "If you break her heart, I'll break you. If you make her happy, you make me happy. Shepard is... She's like a sister to me."_

 _"I understand, Garrus." The drell assured. "My goal is the same as yours. I wish to make Shepard happy."_

 _"Good." Garrus gave his back a friendly pat._

Her friends did care about her, but perhaps they weren't showing it. Caring about someone was... Difficult. It was easy to be too smothering, and it was easy to be too distant. Caring about someone brought as much pain as it brought joy. But despite this, Thane had never regretted caring about someone. The good memories outweighed the bad. Hopefully, Shepard would think the same way when the sea had taken him.

Thane let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling. He recalled his conversation with Dr Chakwas and her offer to put him on the list to possibly receive a heart and lung transplant. It was before he had reunited with Kolyat and fallen for Shepard. Back then, he had had nothing to live for. Now, he had two reasons. Looking down at his hands again, he licked over his lips. Perhaps he'd ask the good doctor to put him on that list.


	7. Desert Pt2

_**Desert**_

 _Pt. 2_

"Shepard!"

Shepard jerked awake as her name was called out. She sat up and reached for the gun that was resting on the nightstand next to her. Her brain started running through the various emergencies that could cause someone to yell out her name. A fire? Pirates? No, no, she wasn't on the Normandy. Burglar? No, there was no one in the room. If there was, she would have heard or seen them now.

 _Thane_ , she thought, her eyes widening. Was he ill? Had something happened?

She looked over to her left and released the gun. It fell back to where it had been for the last four days. There was no need for it.

Next to her, she saw Thane's figure. She could hear him breathing, so that was a good sign. But his breaths seemed to be... Shaky. His eyes were open, she could see the faint light that came in through the curtains being reflected in them.

"You okay?" She asked and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I-" Thane cleared his throat. "Yes. I'm sorry for waking you."

"It's fine." She laid back down and cuddled up next to him. "Bad dream?"

"Yes." He wrapped a strong arm around Shepard and held her close.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. There was no reason for Shepard to push it. They had a silent agreement when it came to their relationship. You told the other about things that bothered you when you were ready. They both had scars, of various kinds.

" _I slide. Glossy metal beneath me. My scrambling hands find nowhere to grab. Panic rises in my chest. I see her reach for me, her eyes wide and fearful. For a moment, our hands connect. A jerk tears her away from me. My gut drops as I slide over the edge. A strong hand grabs mine, forest eyes looking into mine._ "

Thane cleared his throat and swallowed. Shepard didn't need context to know exactly what he was talking about. It was something she had seen in her dreams as well. Thane sliding down the tumbling platform, almost falling into the depths of the base. Just thinking about it made her shiver.

"It's okay." She mumbled and kissed his shoulder. "I have nightmares about that place as well. Especially when you were about to fall..."

They lay there in silence and just held each other. Shepard listened to his heartbeat and stroke over his stomach. While his chest had a similar shade of green as his face, the closer you got to his hips, the lighter the colour was. The skin just above his waistline was almost white and extremely soft. Shepard trailed her finger from his bellybutton down towards his groin. As she did this, the assassin flinched.

Shepard raised an eyebrow and looked up at him. Was he... Ticklish?

"Thane, darling?" Shepard said with an amused tone in her voice and did it again, only to have him flinch in the same way. "Are you ticklish?"

His face softened and Shepard could feel him relax a bit. Good. That was what she was going for. It seemed like more and more of her time was spent just trying to make Thane smile. It didn't bother her, though. His smile was worth it.

"A good assassin never reveals his weaknesses." Thane remarked, doing his best to keep his stoic tone, but Shepard saw the corners of his mouth twitch.

"That is definitely a yes." She grinned and raked her fingernails over the soft skin.

After letting out a low hiss, Thane's hand grabbed hers. He brought it away from his lower stomach and intertwined their fingers as he did so. Their joined hands came to rest on his chest and Shepard could feel the slow, steady beat of his heart.

"I love you." She whispered. "Go back to sleep."

* * *

Thane read over the message for Kolyat he had worked the last hour on composing. He found it difficult to speak with his son, whether it be via messages or through vid conversations. Kolyat was almost an adult now and he had been through more than he should have at his young age.

 _Kolyat;_

The message started. So far so good.

 _I hope this message finds you well. How are you? How is Bailey treating you?_

 _In your last message, you mentioned an asari. I am interested to hear more about her. How did it go? Did you ask her out?_

 _If you need advice, it would be better if you turned to Shepard. I can't say I'm particularly good at wooing women._

 _Though I've said it in all of my previous messages, I must say it again. I'm proud of you. I can see that you are serious about changing the direction of your life._

 _As for me, our mission was successful and Shepard and I have taken a week to visit Earth. It's quite beautiful here. I wish you could have joined us._

Perhaps it was a bad idea to mention Shepard? The younger drell didn't know about his father's new relationship. Thane had read up on how to behave when you'd lost a spouse and then entered a new relationship. The children might see it as a betrayal, as if the remaining parents is attempting to replace the lost one. That was not the case. Shepard wasn't there to replace Irikah. It would be foolish to even think as much. But Kolyat had a temper. Thane still wasn't entirely sure of what topics to avoid to keep him from becoming upset.

He erased the line about Shepard.

 _Our mission was successful and we've taken a week to gather our strength before continuing with our work._

 _The next time I come by the Citadel, I thought we could share a meal. If you are interested and have the time, of course._

 _Reply when possible and_

"Thane?"

Thane looked up from his datapad towards the source of the sound. Shepard stood in the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen bench. Her green eyes were focused on him and Thane felt blood rush to his face as the red sections of his face and throat changed into a deeper shade of scarlet.

Though Shepard had assured him that he didn't have to be ashamed about what had happened during the night, he couldn't stop himself from feeling just that. He wasn't a stranger to nightmares, but it was unusual that they woke him. And made him scream.

"Yes?" He eventually said, without getting up from where he sat at the dinner table.

"Do you want me to wash any of your clothes so that they can dry before we have to pack?"

It was a relief that she didn't bring up what had happened. Thane smiled and recalled the first conversation they had after returning to the Normandy after finding Kolyat.

 _She looks at him, her eyes warm and welcoming._

 _"I never explained- " He starts unsure of how to continue. "I suppose the story of my wife's death took you by surprise."_

 _"I figured you'd explain to me when you were ready." She replies, her voice soft as her eyes._

Those words set the theme for their relationship. They both were injured and had bagage. Eventually, it would all come out, Thane assumed. At least from him. In preparation for his death, he had started composing messages and letters. He wanted her to have something to remember him by.

"No, I believe I'm all set." He replied, smiling a bit. "But thank you for offering."

"It's laundry. It's not rocket science." She walked over and kissed the top of his head. They seemed slightly warmer than usual.

"Are you alright?" Thane frowned and looked up at her. "Your lips are warmer than they usually are."

Much to Thane's surprise, a short, genuine laugh came from his beautiful siha. Her laugh was like music to his ears. It was when she laughed that he realised how seldom she did it. Despite the threat of the collectors had been eliminated, she still had the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders. And no one would listen. She carried a great burden, yet she was so brave.

"It's over 40 degrees outside. I'm boiling." She ran her fingers over his head ridge.

"Ah. I see." He took her hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it.

Her formerly alabaster skin had darkened into a light golden-brown colour. Though she was still beautiful, he prefered her pale skin. It made her eyes, her most striking feature, stand out more. The large, almond shapes windows to her soul that were surrounded by thick, dark lashes. When she was, as she refered to it, tanned, they seemed less striking.

An overwhelming urge washed over the drell and he stood up, his large hands snaking their way under the loose shirt she was currently dressed it. There was a faint expression of shock on her face as he did this. It was rare that an intimate moment started like this. It was usually a slow build.

"What's gotten into you?" She raised an eyebrow and gave him a loop sided smile. "Not that I'm complaining."

* * *

It had been a wonderful vacation. The faint swimming in her head and the angry rash that was appearing on her torso didn't matter. She had been close to Thane for a whole week. No interruptions. No missions, no constant issues that needed to be fixed. Just, she and Thane.

The familiar Cerberus shuttle landed in front of the house and they picked up their bags. Shepard didn't want to get back on that shuttle. She just wanted to stay here forever. To forget about the reapers and Kepral's Syndrome.

"Thank you again, siha." Thane said as they sat down next to each other. "For the memories of this vacation."

"Lucky sod. You can remember this perfectly." She said and took his hand in hers. "And here I am with my human memory, and I can't even remember what we had for dinner yesterday."

"You should go and see Dr Chakwas when we come back." Thane said with a frown on his face. "Problems with short-term memory can be attributed to several illnesses affecting the brain. None of them are pleasant, but if treated-"

Shepard silenced him with a kiss and a chuckle. Though he was so intelligent, he sometimes had issues with picking up on sarcasm and similar things. A side effect of being alone so much.

"It was a joke." She informed.

They sat in silence until there was the familiar _thump_ as the shuttle landed in the cargo bay. Back to work...

"Welcome aboard, Commander." Joker quipped over the comm. "Did you and Thane have a good sexcation? Or, wait, was it a vacation? I forget."

Thane quirked an eyebrow at Shepard, who just shook her head. It was good for Joker that he was the crippled arse he was. If he hadn't had his disability and he wasn't such a fantastic helmsman, she'd make him clean out the ship as a punishment for all his stupid jokes.


	8. Dinner

**_Dinner_**

Commander Ripley Shepard wasn't someone who got nervous. She had spoken to a reaper and then, not long after, she had killed it. She had also gone through the Omega-4 relay, a relay that no ship had ever returned from. A lot of her life consisted of things that made most people nervous, or even scared. But Shepard didn't get nervous. It wasn't how she was. There was a reason to why she was a great soldier. In even the most critical of situations, she was calm. Stress made her focus.

So, why on Earth was she worried and nervous about having dinner with Thane and Kolyat on the Citadel?

Perhaps it was because the last time she had met Kolyat, she had hit him in the face and he had called her a son of a bitch. Or perhaps it was because she wasn't best known for her tact. Thane had assured her that Kolyat wasn't upset, instead he was thankful for what Shepard did. That she stopped him from killing Talid and convinced Bailey to give him community service instead of sending him to jail. However, Shepard wasn't convinced.

"Siha, you look wonderful." Thane said as Shepard looked herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time.

She was dressed in a pair of light jeans, a tight tank-top which she had a leather jacket over. Along with this, she had a pair of boots which were more feminine looking than those she normally wore. It wasn't exactly fashionable or particularly fancy, but it was comfortable and it looked somewhat feminine. For a brief moment, she had thought about putting on some make-up, but realised she didn't have any and wasn't in a mood to ask the women on the ship for something to borrow.

With a sigh, she looked over herself again. It felt strange to leave the Normandy without armour, or even a pistol. Some might call her paranoid, but she had a tendency to get shot at a lot.

"I want to make a good impression!" She called out and combed her fingers through her hair again. It was such a rat's nest, despite all of her best efforts.

"It is not a good impression to be late." Thane leaned against the door frame. "Which we will be quite soon."

Shepard ran a hand through her hair again and gave her reflection a final glance. It would do. She turned towards Thane, who straightened up and corrected his jacket. He wore a pair of black trousers which were a bit looser than the leather ones he used when they were on missions. Under a black suit jacket, he wore an old-school button up. He had left the first few buttons undone, since he shouldn't be covering his chest due to Kepral's. Shepard certainly wasn't complaining.

"Right." She sighed. "Come on then."

"You don't have to worry. I assure you it will go well." Thane said and pecked her cheek.

"If you say so."

They took the elevator down one floor and stepped out into the CIC. Kelly and Joker stood by Kelly's terminal, who stood at Kelly's terminal, turned around. Joker raised an eyebrow and Kelly smiled.

"Have a great time!" The redhead said enthusiastically.

"Wow, commander." Joker said with his stupid grin. "I didn't know you had anything else than armour in your wardrobe."

Shepard narrowed her eyes and pointed at Joker, while Thane impatiently tugged at her sleeve as he glanced at the clock on his omni-tool.

"You are lucky I'm in a hurry."

* * *

Shepard stood outside the restaurant with Thane next to her. It wasn't a particularly fancy one, but they had good food, it had a nice view and the price was just right. Thanks to her heels, even though they were quite short, she was now taller than Thane and craned her neck in an attempt to spot the younger drell.

"I don't see Kolyat anywhere." She informed. "Did you tell him we'd meet at the entrance? Maybe he went inside already? Maybe we should call him."

"Siha, it's only two minutes past seven. We said we'd meet at seven." Thane explained with a frown. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You are worried about this." It wasn't a question. "Why?"

"Well, I've never done anything like this before." She reached out and started correcting Thane's already perfectly sitting jacket.

He sighed deeply and stopped her hands from fiddling more with the buttons on his jacket. While looking deep into her eyes, he lowered their joined hands before giving her a light kiss.

"You'll do fine." He assured, his voice low. "Now, please. Relax. For me."

Before Shepard had time to respond, Thane's head snapped left and he let go of her hands as he took a step backwards. The reason soon became apparent. Kolyat was making his way towards them through the small crowd. Though his face was completely unlike Thane's and his colour wasn't the same at all, it struck Shepard how similar they were. The same body shape and the same way to move.

"Kolyat." Thane said, smiling slightly. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Yeah, Bailey let me have the night off." Kolyat shrugged. He had gained some weight since Shepard last saw him and seemed a lot healthier.

"It's nice to meet you again, Kolyat." Shepard said and stretched out her hand. "I'm sorry about, you know, punching you in the face."

"Don't worry about it." Kolyat shook her hand, smiling. "I deserved it."

Okay, so far so good. Hopefully, Kolyat hadn't seen their display of affection. Shepard had no idea as to how he would react. Bailey had mentioned that Kolyat seemed somewhat temperamental. She hadn't told Thane, but she had asked Bailey to send her updates on Kolyat every now and again.

"Shall we head inside?" Thane asked.

"I didn't make a reservation to stand outside." Shepard pointed out and gestured for Thane and Kolyat to take the lead.

It was quite busy inside the restaurant. Perhaps it was the weekend? Shepard had no idea. What day of the week it was didn't matter when you lived aboard a ship. It barely mattered what time of the day it was. Living on a ship was like living in a vacuum, literally and figuratively speaking.

They took their seat at a table near the window. The artificial lights were still on, as they always were. Perhaps it wasn't even dinner time. _Jesus chirst, I'm completely losing touch with reality._ She thought to herself. _I need to get off the Normandy more. Okay, let's get it together._

"How's Bailey treating you?" Shepard asked as they got the menus handed to them.

"He keeps me on a short leash, but he's nice enough." Kolyat said as he looked through the menu. "It's going good. I-"

"Well." Thane interrupted. Both Kolyat and Shepard looked over at him.

"What?" Kolyat asked.

"It's going well." Thane said and looked up from his menu. "'Going good' isn't grammatically correct."

Kolyat looked like he was about to come with some snarky comment as a reply, but had barely opened his mouth before closing it again and biting his jaws together.

"Right." He muttered. "Sorry."

A silence settled over the table. They were all new to this. Thane and Kolyat had recently reunited after ten years apart. And Shepard had never met a family member of someone she was together with. She had never had dinner with two people from the same family, she reflected. She had met one of Anderson's siblings once, but it had been a short meeting.

"So, how long have you been together?" Kolyat was the one who interrupted the silence.

Both Shepard and Thane looked up with raised eyebrows.

"Oh come on!" The younger exclaimed and the corners of his mouth twitched. "I'm not stupid. You were kissing in public. I have eyes, ya know?"

"I know you're not stupid." Thane said, his voice as calm as ever. "And, as to answer your question, about three weeks. Just before we begun our mission. Unless you count our chats on the ship before we-"

"Alright, alright, I get it." Kolyat had gone from looking mildly amused to horrified. "I don't need to know exactly how your relationship started."

Shepard realised she was gripping the sides of the menu quite hard. She wasn't sure if she was going to start laughing, or cloak herself to sneak out before this got even more embarrassing.

"Kolyat..." Thane said and put down his menu. "I need you to know that no one will ever replace your mother. My relationship with Shepard is not an attempt to forget about her."

"I know." The younger said.

Cloaking was beginning to look like a good idea.

* * *

Kolyat and Shepard stood outside the restaurant, waiting for Thane who had to use the restroom before they followed Kolyat back to his place. After the shaky start to the dinner, it had actually been nice. Once the food had arrived, it had been easier to talk. It was also extremely obvious that Kolyat was indeed Thane's son. They were extremely alike. Though, they had looked confused when Shepard pointed it out. Apparently, they didn't see it.

"Thank you for the dinner, commander." Kolyat said and leaned against the wall.

"You don't have to call me commander, Kolyat." Shepard said and ran a hand through her hair. "Just call me Shepard."

"Alright, thanks for the dinner, Shepard."

He yawned and rubbed a hand over his face. The hand was shaking slightly and he noticed him swallowing repeatedly, likely because of nausea. She knew the signs of withdrawal. At least he hadn't used for a while. It was progress.

"Hey, Krios!" A dark voice called out and a large man made his way through the crowd.

"Shit." Kolyat hissed and tried to disappear into the crowd. Shepard straightened up.

"C'mere you fucking tadpole." He grabbed Kolyat by the collar and slammed him into the wall. "Where's my money?"

The words had barely left the man's mouth before Shepard was over him. Despite being about half his size, she had been one of the best hand-to-hand marines when she was in the Navy. It simply took a quick punch to his solar plexus to cause the breath to get knocked out of him and she then pinned him against the wall with an arm against his throat.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She hissed.

"Let go of me." He croaked out.

"I don't think so. Answer my question."

"Fuck you. Don't get involved."

"I could call C-Sec and let them handle this. But I'm going to let you go, on one condition." Shepard said and pressed a bit harder. The man let out a squeak. "If I find out you're even fifty meters from Kolyat, I will flay you alive. Understood?"

"I'm not afraid of you." He spat in her face. Shepard replied by kneeing him in the crotch.

"Now fuck off before I decide to run you in for drug dealing."

With a hand over his groin, the man got up and started hobbling away, muttering curses. A small crowd had gather and they were looking at her with large eyes. She wiped away the spit from her face before turning to the crowd and shook her head.

"You okay?" She asked Kolyat, her face softening.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He muttered. "Thanks."

"Any time, big guy." Shepard patted his shoulder. "Let's not mention this to your father, though. And, if you ever need support on how to not fall for the temptation, I'm here. I know how it is. You should be proud of yourself."

"Oh." His eyes lit up with understanding. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."


	9. Blabber

_So, this is the 9th chapter of Raven hair and abyss eyes._

 _I'd love to know what you think so far._

* * *

 _ **Blabber**_

Thane couldn't say he knew much about ships. Ask him about how to best murder an asari, a philosopher, a poet or what a local theatre was staging and he'd know the answer. But asking him about a ship would be pretty disappointing. Since he joined the Normandy, he had tried to read up on them and both Shepard and Tali had done their best to explain the Normandy to him. Nothing of it stuck. It just didn't interest him.

So, when Shepard had announced that they needed to go to the Citadel for some retrofits, he hadn't been sure what that actually meant. A quick search on the extranet had informed him that retrofits was a transitive verb and defined as _to furnish (as a computer, airplane, or building) with new or modified parts or equipment not available or considered necessary at the time of manufacture._

He had been informed that this would take a few days and they were forced to dry dock until it was done. Thane had seen on Shepard's face that she wasn't happy about this. She wasn't meant for civilian life, she had explain when he'd asked. She was meant to fly, fight and work. Being stuck somewhere just wasn't her thing.

The drell stretched out in his cot and stared up at the ceiling. More than a few times, Shepard had suggested that he move into her quarters, but he had declined. She needed somewhere to escape to and somewhere to be alone. Since Thane didn't spend a lot of time with the rest of the crew, he thought it selfish to take up the commander's quarters. Though that wouldn't be an issue tonight.

Now, his siha was on the Citadel with a few others to have some drinks. Garrus had tried to get him to join, but he wasn't feeling up for it. Alcohol wasn't his thing. He liked to keep his mind clear. He'd gotten properly drunk once, and that was enough for him. He couldn't understand why people did it regularly. _To each their own_ , he though and placed his hands behind his head.

His terminal gave off a loud beep and he glanced over, raising an eyebrow. Who'd send him a message? He had spoken to Kolyat earlier that day, so it couldn't be him. Perhaps it was junk mail. He had gotten one a few days ago, offering him a penis enlargement. He felt no need for one, so he had deleted the message with a shake of his head. Rubbing a hand over his face, he rolled out of his cot and walked over to the terminal.

 _Thane. Need help at Dark Star ASAP. /G_

Thane frowned as he read through the short message. Was Garrus in trouble? As far as Thane knew, the turian had gone out with Shepard, Jacob and Kasumi. They had all been armed, to varying degrees. There was no way someone would be able to take out them all. Thane had seen Shepard take down a wave of mercs nearly single-handed. But Garrus was asking for his help and since they were now a part of a team, Thane was going to help him.

 _I'm on my way._

It only took Thane a few moments to change from his sleepwear to his signature battle wear. As a precaution, he grabbed his handgun as well. Shepard had more than once had issues with taking off his clothes. According to her, it was stupid to have so many straps, clasps, zippers... But Thane liked his clothes. They were comfortable and allowed him to move freely.

After casting a longing gaze on his cot, the drell walked out of life support and pressed the button to call the elevator.

* * *

Dark Star was, as per usual, filled with customers of every kind. Some sat quietly at tables, enjoying drinks and their friends' company. Others were dancing energetically on the dance floor. The music wasn't something Garrus would choose to listen to, but there was nothing wrong with it.

The turian was leaning against the wall, looking at a small group of people that had gathered around a table. A krogan sat on one side of the table, while Shepard sat on the other side. There were several empty glasses littered around both of them. Shepard's normally sharp eyes were glazed and her cheeks were pink. The commander was shtifaced, as Jacob delicately had put it before he and Kasumi disappeared somewhere. And she had refused to listen to Garrus when he told her that it was time to leave.

"Garrus." Thane had appeared next to him, his voice unusually loud to be heard over the music. "What is the matter?"

"Shepard." Garrus sighed and gestured towards the table. "She's drunk as hell and is arm-wrestling with that krogan."

Thane just nodded shortly before walking over to the table, just as Shepard forced the krogan's hand down to the table's surface. The drell leaned close and Garrus could see his lips moving, but couldn't hear anything. To Garrus' surprise, Shepard flung her arms around Thane's neck and kissed him deeply. From the look on Thane's face, he was just as surprised as Garrus was.

On unsteady legs, Shepard stood up and finished her drink. After that, she made a rude gesture towards the krogan, who slammed his fists in the table. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Thane started leading her away from the table, before the krogan decided to beat them up.

"Garrus!" She said loudly and stumbled over as she spotted the turian. "You missed one hell of a fight, buddy. You shoulda' seen his _hiccup_ face!"

At this point, Shepard tripped over her own feet and instictively, Garrus grabbed her. Thane hurried up and both males helped their drunken CO back onto her feet.

"I believe you've had enough to drink for tonight." Thane said and placed one of her arms over his shoulders. Garrus did the same.

"You two are suuuch party poooopers!" She said and pouted. "I wanna drink! I saved the fucking galaxy again! Drinking is sooo much fuun!"

Garrus and Thane looked at each other with tired eyes as they started leading her out of the club. They just needed to get her to the transit station. It wasn't too far. What could possibly go wrong?

"You know what?" Shepard slurred as they practically carried her down the stairs. "I love you, guys. Wait, don't get jealous, Thaney. I love you like I want you to fuck my brains out after a romantic dinner with candles and shit."

Garrus had to muster every ounce of self control he had to not start laughing. He glanced at Thane and saw that the drell's throat had deepened into a darker shade of red.

"But, you, raptor boy. I love you like a fucking brother, man. Like, like... I don't fucking know. Never had a brother. Well, we called the others in the gangs our siblings, but ya know, they weren't. We were all just fuckups. Only thing we had in common... Anyhooow, what was I talking about?"

Since when had the transit station been this far away? And since when had there been so many places to stumble on? Shepard almost dragged both Thane and Garrus to the ground a few times when she stumbled. Luckily, they managed to right themselves. _This must look so wrong._ Garrus thought to himself as an asari couple glanced at them.

"I've never had a boyfriend before." Shepard mused, her speech slurred. "I mean, I've fucked several fucking times. Mostly with humans, but some other species too. I'm no xenophobe! But it's so different with you. It's not like fucking, it's like making love. It's like you fucking love me."

 _Why does she have to use 'like' and 'fucking' all the time_ _?_ Garrus thought and glanced over at Thane. The poor man was looking absolutely horrified. He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead.

"The only thing that's wrong is that you're too gentle, ya know? I'm not gonna break if you put some fucking anger into it. Not that vanilla isn't awesome, because it is, but that's besides the point..."

Shepard was attracting quite a few looks. She was talking very loudly about very intimate things. This wasn't like her. She wasn't much of a talker, unless it was about tactics before a mission. Also, she wasn't one for yelling. And though she cursed sometimes, it was never this much.

"I wonder how elcor fuck?" She suddenly said, her eyes fixed on an elcor who was talking with a hanar. "It must be reeeaaallyyyy sloooowly."

She started moving her hips backwards and forwards very slowly. Once more, she stumbled and was caught by the males. Finally, _finally_ , they were at the transit station. Perhaps a bit rougher than necessary, they pushed Shepard into a shuttle and climbed in after her.

It felt like it took at least one standard year to actually reach the Normandy. Luckily, most of the crew and squad had either gone to sleep, or were still out on the Citadel. Garrus and Thane managed to get Shepard up to her quarters without being seen once. Which was a relief.

After they had deposited Shepard on her bed, Thane took off most of her clothes and tucked her in, as Garrus found a bin to place next to her bed. As soon as they were done, they made their escape. Well in the elevator, neither of them looked at each other.

"Let's never speak of this again." Garrus muttered as it stopped at the crew deck.

"Agreed."

* * *

Shepard hated herself. Her head was pounding and it felt like there was a war raging in her stomach. With her head in her hands, she stared into the cup of coffee that stood before her. Even that seemed too much to stomach. She had already abandoned any thought about eating the sandwich that stood next to the cup. Just thinking about it made her feel sick.

A glass of water slid over the table surface to her, along with two white pills. Shepard looked up to see Chakwas leaning against the table. The older woman seemed to be fighting back a laugh.

"Thane told me you might need this."

Thane. Garrus. Oh fuck.

Shepard let out a groan as she remembered her conversation from the night before. Her hatred for herself grew. This was why she shouldn't drink. She always talked way too much. Poor Thane...

"Morning, Shepard." Garrus said as he walked into the kitchen. "You look like crap."

"Please don't talk so loud." The commander muttered and swallowed the pills. She gagged a bit as she finished the water.

"So, if you're still interested, there's a fornax issue just about elcor. I had EDI send it to your quarters."

"Just kill me now." Shepard groaned.

"I also sent Thane some links about how to spice up couple's sex life, along with some common human kinks and fetishes. Is it true some humans have a fetish for feet?"

"I hate you..."

"Nah, you love me."


	10. Flu

_**Flu**_

Shepard was going to die. She was certain of it. Every single part of her body ached, she was shaking from a fever and had been on her knees infront of her toilet since four in the morning. Though she no longer had anything left in her stomach to throw up, she kept vomiting up bile and the water she tried to drink. Her throat was burning, she had a foul taste in her mouth and her stomach hurt like hell.

The fucking flu. Even in this day and age, when someone can be brought back to life after having been turned into ground beef and a shot could be healed by some foul smelling gel, they still didn't have a cure for the flu. One would think it would be pretty high on the list of priorities for human scientists. But, nooo, they had other, more important things to deal with, apparently.

Her teeth were chattering against each other as she leaned her forehead against her arm, which was resting on the toilet seat. Maybe it would be better to just get her Carnifex and end it all.

"Shepard." EDI's voice made Shepard flinch a bit Her head hurt like hell. "Your bodily temperature has risen from 38.4 Celsius to 40.5 Celsius over the last three hours. I recommend you contact Dr. Solus or Dr. Chakwas. If you wish, I can-"

"I'll be fine." Shepard croaked out.

"Your fever is approaching a temperature that can be possibly life threatening to humans." The AI continued as if she (it? Shepard wasn't sure what to call EDI.) hadn't heard Shepard. "I strongly recommend you seek medical attention."

"If it reaches 41, I'll consider it." Shepard said before her stomach lurched again and she wretched.

"Very well, Shepard."

Her quarters were once again mercifully quiet. The only sound came from the aquarium, and it was too faint to cause her headache to get worse. She thought about fetching a blanket, but didn't want to get up from the bathroom floor. She just wanted to stay here and never move. The world would sway in front of her eyes if she moved too rapidly.

Those thoughts were interrupted as the door opened to her quarters. Why couldn't people just leave her be? She didn't want to talk to anyone. And she certainly didn't want anyone to see her like this.

"Siha." Said a familiar and husky voice. "I didn't see you-"

Thane was interrupted as Shepard threw up once more. A faint moan escaped her and she was beginning to beg for the merciful embrace of death.

"Are you alright?" He sounded worried outside the bathroom door. "May I come in?"

The assassin didn't wait for a response and tested to see if the bathroom was unlocked. Shepard hadn't had time to lock it as she sprinted to the toilet to avoid barfing all over the carpet. It would have been a bitch to clean up.

"Never been better." She groaned without looking up at Thane.

She couldn't hear him approach her and didn't notice that he was next to her until his gentle hand was placed on her forehead. He let out a sigh through his nose and stroke over her hair.

"Siha, you are not well." He said and rubbed her back. "I'll fetch Dr. Chakwas for you."

"I don't need a doctor." She protested.

"You must excuse the insubordination, but I believe you are not in the best state of mind at the moment." Thane announced as he rose from where he had crouched next to Shepard. "I'll be but a moment."

* * *

Somehow, Shepard wasn't sure exactly how, she had ended up back in her bed. Sometime between Thane leaving the room and she getting back into bed, both Chakwas and Mordin had arrived. Why both of them were there, Shepard didn't know. It was just a flu.

"Most likely dehydrated. Fever fluctuating between 39.3 and 41.1." The salarian muttered as he lifted one of Shepard's eyelids to shine a bright light into her eye. "Pupils responsive, but eyes reddened. "

"Mordin, stop that!" Shepard said in a hoarse voice and tried to swat the professor's hand away. "It's just the flu."

"Hm, influensa." Mordin said and nodded. "Unpleasant human virus. Appears almost cyclically on Earth and other human centric areas. None lethal, unless patient is elderly or has pre-existing chronic illness. Pregnant women are also considered a-"

"Thank you, Mordin." Chakwas said and placed a glass of water on the bedside table next to Shepard. "I don't think Shepard's headache is being helped by your talking."

"Of course. Apologies."

"Will she be alright?" Thane asked, who had been quiet until now.

"Yes, don't worry." Chakwas patted his shoulder. "I'll give her something against the fever. As long as she drinks plenty of water, she'll be fine within a week or two."

"A week?" Shepard's voice cracked. "I have things to do!"

Chakwas shook her head and placed a bucket on the floor next to the bed. The sound it made when it hit the floor made Shepard cringe. Her head was really hurting now. She just wanted to pull the blanket over her head and sleep for a million years. The older woman patted Shepard's shoulder lightly.

"I'll be back to check on you in about an hour. The meds should have started working by then. Try to get some sleep after you've finished that glass of water."

"Yes, ingesting fluids important. Fever can quickly dehydrate the human body. Combine that with intense vomiting and dehydration will occur within-"

"Mordin, shut the fuck up." Shepard said as she pulled the blanket over her eyes.

"I'll stay and watch over her." The drell informed and took a seat on the other side of the bed.

A few moments later, both of the doctors had left the room, leaving just Shepard and Thane. He scooted over a bit so that he was right next to Shepard and started gently stroking her hair. Occasionally, he placed his hand on her forehead to check her fever.

"I'm going to die." She moaned.

"I won't allow it." Thane reached over and grabbed the glass of water. He helped her lift her head and placed the glass to her lips.

The glass was so cold that it almost burned against Shepard's lips, but the liquid itself was like the sweet nectar of life. Hopefully, she'd be able to keep it down now. As well as something against the fever, she had been given something against the nausea.

"Thanks." She murmured and flopped onto the pillow again. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course, siha. For as long as you want me to." He stroke over her cheek. "Get some rest."

* * *

Thane rarely slept for more than four or five hours at the time. Drell didn't need as much sleep as humans did. Especially not as much as ill humans needed. Shepard had woken up periodically over the last 24 hours. He had then given her some more water and Chakwas came to administer more medication when it was necessary. But for the most part, Shepard slept soundly next to him in the bed.

Her fever had dropped a few degrees and she wasn't so unbearably warm anymore. She was no longer shaking as well. Still, Thane wasn't going anywhere. He had only left to use the restroom and to get something to eat down from the mess.

He was now sat in the bed, reading one of the books he had found on Shepard's desk. It was a book he had read before, since he had been the one to recommend it to her. But, it was something to do instead of just staring at her impressive collection of model ships or her fish. He had made sure to feed them, since he recalled how many times she had suddenly jumped up from her chair in life support to run and save her fish friends from starvation. And he'd fed her hamster. It was a fascinating creature. Its fur was soft, it made rather adorable small sounds and it had tried to bite him.

There was movement next to him in the bed and he glanced over to see two glazy eyes starting back at him from a cocoon of blankets.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently and stroke over her cheek.

"Like death." Her voice was hoarse. "Probably look like it as well."

"You are as beautiful as ever." He assured her.

"You're a shit liar, Krios." She scooted over and placed her head in his lap.

Gently, he combed his fingers through her hair. He adored her hair. It was so soft, like silk. In the sunlight, it shimmered, like a polished onyx gem.

"I feel like a cat." She muttered.

"Hm?"

"You're petting me."

"Oh." He stopped and withdrew his hand. "I apologise."

"Don't. It's nice."

With a smile on his full lips, he started combing through her hair again. They rarely did things like this. Just, sat quietly and enjoyed each other's company. Normally, they'd talk or be intimate. Moments like these were rare. Thane wished they'd have more of them after this. And preferably while Shepard wasn't ill.

"I love you, Thane." She mumbled and stroke over his thigh.

"I love you too, siha. Try to get some more rest."


	11. Sleepless

_So, one of my headcanons is that Anderson to Earthborn Shepard off the streets._

 _My other is that Zaeed is Earthborn Shepard's biological father_

* * *

 _ **Sleepless**_

It was unusual that Thane couldn't sleep. When his soul had been dead, it had never been difficult to sleep. Nothing had any meaning, he didn't have any worries. But now, things were different. He was alive again, he could feel his heart beating, he could feel it flutter when Shepard kissed him, he could feel it almost stop when a bullet narrowly missed her. Food had taste again, the smell of old books once more brought joy.

But being alive didn't only bring good things. It brought worries as well. Had he put himself on the list for a transplant too late? How was Shepard going to cope with the loss of him? How was Kolyat going to cope? Had it been selfish to initiate a relationship when he was so close to death?

All of these questions caused Thane to lay awake at night, with a knot in his stomach. He had had a similar knot in his stomach after Kolyat was born and money was tight. He'd look at Irikah's sleeping form next to him in the bed, dreading to bring up returning to his old profession.

 _Perhaps it was easier to be dead._ Thane thought as he poured himself a cup of tea in the empty mess hall. He had finally given up on sleep after tossing and turning in his cot for hours on end. Fleetingly, he had considered going up to Shepard's quarters, but had changed his mind. She needed sleep, and though he was known for his stealth, he knew Shepard was a light sleeper. She'd wake up as soon as the door to her quarters opened, if he decided to sneak in.

Rubbing a hand over his face, he made his way to the table and sat down. While Shepard always seemed forced to do something all the time, even when just having a cup of tea, Thane was more than happy to just sit and stare out into nothingness. Drell were always very good at disappearing into their own minds, he even more so. His hands were cupping the mug of tea and he tried to sort out the mess in his head.

But before he had gotten far into the labyrinth, Zaeed Massani, of all people, appeared in the mess. The mercenary looked troubled. His eyebrows were drawn together and his gaze was fixed on the floor in front of him. So, someone else lay sleepless tonight.

Thane looked at Massani's back as the older was doing something on the kitchen bench. From this position, Thane couldn't see what it was. However, Zaeed soon turned around with a bowl of cereal in his hands. Cereal seemed to be something all humans ate constantly. Thane didn't see the fascination with it. He had tried it once, out of curiosity, but it wasn't his thing. Fruits were his preferred breakfast.

"Krios." Massani said and sank down opposite the drell.

"Mr. Massani." Thane bowed his head a bit, as polite as always. After all, he had been raised by the hanar.

"Hey, stop with the 'mr' bullshit. And the bowing. It's just Zaeed, alright?"

"As you wish."

Silence fell between them, only occasionally interrupted by Thane putting his cup back on the table, or Zaeed's spoon scraping against the bowl.

"Can't sleep?" Zaeed asked as he pushed the bowl away from him.

"No." Thane admitted. "I assume you're in the same position?"

"I got hungry." He shrugged. "And, yeah, long story short... Have some shit to figure you, y'know?"

"I see."

Thane wasn't one to pry. Though he was curious by nature, he also knew when to keep his mouth shut. Prying rarely led to anything good. The last time he had allowed his curiosity to take over, it was that morning with Shepard after they had stopped Kolyat from killing Talid. She had taken it well, but Thane still scolded himself for that.

"What's keeping you up?" Zaeed asked and leaned back.

"Decisions, mistakes, guilt, love." Thane emptied his cup. He figured it was now safe to ask why the mercenary was up. "How about you?"

"Well..." Zaeed leaned his elbows on the table. "I recently found out I have a kid."

"Oh." That was the only thing Thane could think of saying. This was unexpected

"Yeah, it's messed up. I've had a daughter for thirty years and neither of us knew. Damn, I don't even know who her mum is!"

"Have you spoken to her?"

"About that I'm her dad?" Zaeed shook his head. "Nah, I doubt it would go down well. I heard she had a shitty childhood. Would probably blame me for that. Can't say I don't do the same. Not that I would have been a good father."

This was an interesting development. Thane couldn't for the life of him see Zaeed as a father. He recalled how he used to hold Kolyat while he was an infant and Irikah caught some much needed sleep. He'd stand at their living room window and look out over the dome city, gently rocking the bundle in his arms. Sometimes the blue little drell would scream and scream. Other times, he slept peacefully. When Thane tried to picture Zaeed in the same position, he almost let out a laugh.

"Since her mother didn't tell you about your daughter, she can't possibly blame you." Thane leaned back in the chair. "You cannot blame yourself either."

"Perhaps it's better for her not to know." It seemed like Zaeed was mostly talking to himself now. "It's been thirty years. Why would she want to know now?"

"It could possibly bring her some comfort, some explanation to why her childhood was like it was."

"I dunno, Krios." He sighed. "It's probably better that I wasn't around. She's a good person. Smart too. Kind. Nothing like me."

"So you've met her?"

"Yeah..." Zaeed looked down at his empty bowl. "Look, you can keep your mouth shut, right?"

"Of course." Thane said, frowning a bit now. Where was this going? "Gossip is not something I partake in."

"Good." He looked around to see that they were really alone. "Look, Shepard's my kid."

For the first time in a very, very long time, Thane was speechless. He blinked a few times and looked at Zaeed with disbelief. That wasn't possible. However, Zaeed's good eye had the same shade of green that Shepard's had.

"That's..." Thane started when he had gathered himself a bit. "Unexpected."

"You tell me!" Zaeed said and ran a hand through his greying hair. "When the Illusive Man told me, I didn't believe a word."

"What made you believe him?" Thane couldn't stop the questions now.

"DNA." He grumbled. "Pretty hard to argue with."

They sat silent as Thane allowed this to sink in properly. This was an interesting development. Did Shepard know about this? Thane doubted it. If she did, he didn't think she'd be as calm about it. Though she seemed at peace with her childhood and her previous mistakes, he knew that it still bothered her. Some scars never fade.

"You should speak with her." Thane said after he had managed to gather his thoughts. "She'd appreciate it."

"Yeah?" Zaeed raised an eyebrow. "What makes you so sure?"

Before Thane could answer this, the door to the elevator opened and the two men looked up just in time to see Shepard come around the corner, eyes fixed on the datapad in her hand. Clearing his throat, Zaeed grabbed his bowl and stood up.

"Thanks for the talk." The mercenary said as he walked over to the sink and just gave Shepard a short nod as he passed her.

Following Zaeed's example, Thane stood up and walked over to Shepard. She filled the kettle with water and as she waited for it to boil, she leaned against the counter. Her green eyes, exactly the same shade as Zaeed's, met his.

"I didn't know you and Zaeed were buddies." She smiled that sweet smile that only seemed to be for him. "Or that he liked to get up at half past two in the morning."

"Neither of us could sleep." Thane said, avoiding the first of Shepard's statements. He was still a bit thrown off balance by the new information.

"Damn, you too? I couldn't sleep either."

A low _click_ informed them that the water had now boiled and Shepard filled her mug with steaming water. She then took the teabag that contained her favourite tea and dropped it into the water.

"So, what did you talk about? Any juicy gossip?"

Thane was silent a moment. One part of him wanted to tell her, to give her some closure. The other part of him remembered that he had promised Zaeed to not say anything. Thane cleared his throat.

"I promised Zaeed to not say anything." He explained, hoping Shepard wouldn't push it.

"Did he tell you I'm his daughter?"

"How-" Thane blinked. "How did you know?"

"Please, darling." Shepard gave him a peck on the lips. "One of my best friends is the Shadowbroker. Of course I know he's my father. It doesn't change shit, though. I am who I am. Finding my biological father when I'm thirty isn't going to change anything."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. I think." Thane wasn't really sure how to feel about all this.

The next time he couldn't sleep, he'd remember to stay in life support. This was just a bit too exciting for his liking.


	12. Questions

_**Questions**_

Apart from AIs, it was widely accepted that machines didn't have emotions or moods. However, as an engineer, Tali was doubting this fact. Even though they hadn't done any modifications the previous day, the drive core was acting up today. To the untrained eye, there was barely any difference. But to Tali, it mattered. And it enjoyed her.

The quarian chewed on her bottom lip as she once more ran the diagnostics. The output had dropped three procent from yesterday, but had risen with a half from the last diagnostic.

"You're messing with me, you little bosh'tet." She grumbled and started to furiously type in commands on the terminal. She wasn't going to rest until the drive core was back up to speed.

To the right of her, she heard Ken and Gabby chatting. Despite the little incident when she first came aboard with Kenneth's talk about her 'bucket', the three of them were getting along well. Even though they were Cerberus and Tali was an alien in their eyes, they were all engineers and loved ships. There was a lot to talk about and they seemed genuinely interested in learning about her species.

"Tali?" Ken's voice brought Tali out of her thoughts.

"Yes?" She answered without looking up.

"If you had to date another species, what would it be?"

Tali stopped typing and looked at the terminal in disbelief. What kind of a question was that? It became even worse when an image of Garrus flashed before her eyes. Shaking her head slightly, she started typing again.

"Probably a turian." She said and kept her voice level. "So that we could eat the same food. Why do you ask?"

Why had she asked that question? She really didn't want to know. Ken always seemed to be interested in talking about, well, sex. Of course, Tali was well aware of the act of reproduction, as well as casual sex, she had the nerve-stim pro installed, after all. But she couldn't understand the red-haired man's fascination with it.

"Well, I was just thinking-" He started.

"We really don't want to know what you're thinking about." Gabby intervened, to Tali's relief.

"Dammit, woman. Let me finish." Ken shook his head. "I was just thinking about why someone would date another species? It's not like I'm against it, I just can't understand it. There are plenty of people available closer to home, you know?"

"Is it because you see all the attractive women be taken by asari?" Gabby asked and sounded like she was fighting to hold back a laugh.

Tali just stood there, trying her best to block out the conversation. She had a sneaking suspicion of where this was going. Hopefully, she was wrong. Keelah, she hoped she was wrong.

"Nah, it's not that. It's about the commander and Thane."

Keelah, she wasn't wrong.

"Oh, for god's sake, Kenneth!" Gabby turned to Ken and gave him a hard look. "Don't tell me you have a crush on the commander as well. That's just... Wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying the sights."

Tali was now beginning to plan her escape. Perhaps she should trigger the fire alarm. No, that would trigger the sprinklers and it would just make a mess of everything. Grunt had triggered it by accident after trying out his new incendiary ammo. Shepard had not been please and had, well, grounded him.

"I bumped into her before her last mission, and damn." Ken let out a whistle. "I never thought women in armour would be my thing."

"If I were you, I'd shut up now. Thane's an assassin, and you just might wake up tomorrow with a broken neck."

"He doesn't seem like the jealous type." Ken said with a shrug. "Did you know that snakes have two penises? Lizards have two as well. I wonder if he does too? I mean, he looks like a lizard. Or a sad frog."

That was a mental image Tali did not need. Perhaps she'd ask Gardner for that cleaning agent he used to scrub her brain clean of the image of Thane without clothes. And with two reproductive organs.

"Erm, I'm going up to the mess. Does anyone need anything?" Tali said and started walking towards the door.

"If you bring me a cup of coffee, you'd be a peach."

Tali nodded and assumed that a peach was a good thing. Before anyone could say anything more, the quarian escaped out of engineering. That was something she never wanted to experience again. She'd never be able to look at Thane in the same way. Which was a shame. She liked Thane, he was a nice person. And he obviously loved Shepard.

Having her usual luck, of course Shepard and Thane were sitting in the mess. There was a half-empty bowl of sliced fruits between them and they seemed to be engaged in a conversation. Tali had noticed that Thane ate a lot of vegetables and fruits, even though drell were omnivorous. She had heard about humans who chose to have a diet strictly without meat. Perhaps Thane was like that as well.

"Hey Tali." Shepard said as she spotted her friend.

"Hi Shepard." Tali said and walked up to the pantry to grab some dextro snacks. She avoided to look at her friends, as if her face would give away what she felt.

"Is something wrong?" Her commander asked and Tali heard worry in her voice.

"No, no. It's fine."

"You sure?"

That was one of the few things about Shepard that annoyed Tali. As soon as something was bothering someone else, Shepard hounded them until she was allowed to help them, whatever it might be. However, when something was bothering Shepard, anyone who asked what was wrong was in danger of finding themselves on the commander's bad side, or if it was really bad, locked inside their room for a few hours. It had happened to both Kasumi and Garrus.

"Ken and Gabby are at it again." Tali admitted, knowing that it was better to just give in. She turned her attention to the coffee maker, which was a mystery to her.

"Of course." Shepard had appeared behind Tali. "Do you need some help with that?"

Tali jumped a bit, she hadn't heard the commander come up behind her. There was a reason as to why Shepard was one of the best infiltrators in the Alliance when she was still with them. She could almost give Thane a run for his money. Almost.

"Yes please."

"Step aside and let me show you the art of making coffee." Shepard said as she grabbed a can of black powder that gave off a strong smell. "Thane, do you want a cup?"

"No thank you." The drell said. "I'm quite content with my tea."

"Alrighty. So, what's Ken and Gabby up to? Anything interesting?"

"Well..." Tali nervously twisted her hands.

To her relief, she was saved by the sound of the elevator and heavy steps on the floor. A few moments later, Jack rounded the corner. She had mellowed down recently. She was still a dangerous lunatic, but a bit less so. Tali no longer felt like it was a danger to her health to talk with the tattooed woman.

"Hey, Shepard." Jack grinned. "Daniels and Donnelly, mostly Donnelly, are talking about how sexy you are in armour. And whether Krios has two dicks or not."

Shepard turned to Tali with a raised eyebrow and the quarian looked down at her feet. She really wasn't one for situations like this. This was too embarrassing. She'd rather fight a thresher maw, a hoard of geth or a reaper than talk about this. She'd even take all at once, if it meant getting her out of this.

"That's an interesting topic." The commander said as she finished preparing the coffee. "Tali, I really hope you're not going to drink this. I don't need you and Mordin talking at insane speeds."

"It's for Ken." Tali assured and took one of the cups.

"Thane, in the interest of science..." Jack leaned against the table and looked at the man. "How many cocks do you have?"

The elevator had never seemed to be so far away.


	13. Father figure

_So, as you've probably have noticed, it's my headcanon that Anderson took Shepard off the streets and is a father figure to her._

* * *

 _ **Father figure**_

"Commander, there's a new message on your private terminal." Kelly informed as Shepard walked by the redhead after visiting Mordin for a chat.

There was always a new message. Most of the time, it was just junkmail. Other times, it was from someone who needed help, Aria T'Loak who needed some dirty work done, or things along those lines. Now that she no longer was with Cerberus, she didn't get The Illusive Man's stupid and condescending messages anymore, which was a relief.

"Thank you, Kelly." Shepard said and walked over to her terminal.

 _When you have a moment_

The topic title read. With a quirked eyebrow, Shepard opened it. It was from Anderson, of all people.

 _Shepard_ _;_

 _We haven't really had time to talk properly since you came back from the dead. I know that you've been busy, but it would be nice to catch up with you._

 _Congratulations of defeating the collectors and on walking away from Cerberus._

 _When you have a moment of downtime, feel free to call me over vid._

 _It's been too long since we had a heart-to-heart, kid._

 _Get in touch_

 _/Anderson_

Shepard couldn't help but smile as she read over the message, as well as feel a bit guilty. There had been so much going on since she came back that she had simply forgotten to talk to the closest thing she had to a father. This was the man that had made her what she was today. If it wasn't for him, she'd probably still be shooting up heroin in some alleyway.

"Kelly, I'll be in my quarters." She turned off her terminal and headed towards the elevator.

Well inside, she ordered EDI to have any potential visitors request entrance before coming in. Normally, Shepard had an open door policy. But no one seemed to care and always requested entrance anyway. Better safe than sorry, though.

Leaning over her terminal, she pressed the button to connect with Anderson's terminal in his office. As she waited for him to pick up, she sank down into her chair and placed her feet on the desk.

"Shepard." Anderson said with a smile as he appeared on the screen. "It's good to hear from you."

"Sorry about not getting in touch earlier." She smiled back. "It's just been a lot, you know?"

"Yes, I can understand that. You've certainly had your hands full."

"So have you, councillor."

"True." Anderson let out a short laugh. "But I didn't blow up a homeworld and make it out with a full team."

"How did you know that?" Shepard frowned.

"I have my sources."

Anderson looked... Tired. Had it been a mistake to suggest him as councillor? But Udina couldn't possibly be preferable. He was a mean idiot and Shepard didn't trust him. She didn't trust anyone on the council, to be frank. Except Anderson.

"How are you, Shepard?" Anderson asked and gave her a serious look. "Honestly. And don't try to fool me, I know you."

"I'm..." Shepard frowned a bit. How was she? She was in love with a dying drell, on the run from Cerberus and had no clear goal. "It's complicated."

"That's not an answer. You're avoiding the question."

"Look, I'm not sure how I am." She took her feet down and placed her elbows on the table, leaning her head in her hands. "The last few months have been fucking strange. When I woke up, it felt like it had only been moments since the Normandy blew up and I suffocated. But, it had gone two years. Guns use thermal clips now, the Citadel is nearly rebuilt... It's so strange."

"I can imagine." He sighed. "When I started hearing rumours that you were alive, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to start hoping to see you again, only to find out that it was bullshit. Losing you... Well, it was hard. And when I saw you walk into that room when I was speaking to the other councillors, I wasn't sure how to react. It's really strange to see someone you spent so long mourning."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? You couldn't have done anything. It wasn't your fault." It nearly sounded like he scolded her.

"Let me elaborate." She said and pulled a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry for not keeping in touch after I came back. I know I should have, after everything you've done for me."

"Shepard, you don't have to keep in contact with me just because you feel like you have to."

"You're the closest thing I have to a parent." She shrugged. "I've heard you're supposed to keep in touch with those."

"And you're the closest thing I have to a child. My ex-wife has a son, but I don't see him as much as I should." He gave her a soft smile. "Anyway, enough with this emotional bullshit. Has anything interesting happened lately? Except, you know, the collector base and giving the Illusive Man the middle finger."

"Well..." Shepard looked away and tried to contain her smile. Dammit, she had such a bad pokerface.

"I know that look." Anderson grinned. "Who's the lucky one?"

"His name is Thane." Shepard said and just couldn't stop herself from smiling like a love-struck teenager. "And before you get any ideas, my salarian team mate has already given me the birds and the bees talk, so you don't have to. Also, I'm twenty-nine. Or, thirty-one, to be accurate."

"Thane, huh?" He rubbed his chin. "Perhaps I should send him a message, perhaps let him know of all the medals I have."

"That wouldn't exactly scare him off. He's an assassin with a perfect track record."

"An assassin?" Anderson seemed genuinely surprised. "That's... Interesting."

"He's a drell, trained by the hanar since he was six. It's the only thing he knows."

"This man just gets more and more interesting." Anderson shook his head. "I should have known you wouldn't go for simple."

"Thane's pretty complex. He likes poetry, books, philosophy. All the good stuff."

"If I'm brutally honest, Shepard, I don't really care. As long as you're happy and he's kind to you. And it's always nice to have someone to keep you warm at night."

"Yeah, it is."

Was this how it felt to have a real parent? Just, sit and talk shop without any hidden agenda, without having to worry about what the other person might think. To just have someone you're comfortable with. Who genuinely seemed to care about your happiness?

"Shepard." EDI's blue icon appeared in Shepard's peripheral vision.

"Yes?" Shepard replied as Anderson raised an eyebrow.

"Thane is requesting entrance."

A wide grin came from Anderson and he sat up a bit straighter in his chair.

"Let him in." She turned to Anderson. "Be nice."

The door swished open and Thane walked in, his hands behind his back as per usual. His face lit up with a smile as he spotted her and then a frown appeared as he saw Anderson's face on the terminal screen.

"Thane, this is David Anderson." Shepard said. "Anderson, this is Thane Krios."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Thane bowed his head. It was obvious that he had made the connection right-away.

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Krios."

"Please, call me Thane."

"Alright, Thane." Anderson folded his arms over his chest. "From what I've heard, you and Shepard seem to be in a relationship."

Shepard gave Anderson a hard look over Thane's shoulder. If he fucked this up for her, she might have to kill him the next time she saw him.

"Yes, that would be correct." Thane said, his voice as calm as ever.

"Well, take care of her." Anderson met Shepard's eyes. "She means a lot to me."


	14. Pour your heart out

_Just as a heads up, this chapter will touch on some heavy stuff._

 _Like, suicide attempt, drug use and rape._

 _It's not going to be anything descriptive, but if this bothers you, perhaps skip this chapter_

 _Also, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter... I feel like Thane perhaps is a bit out of character_

* * *

 ** _Pour your heart out_**

Shepard had, for as long as she could remember, put up shields around herself. She'd hide her innermost feelings to everyone, including those closest to her. Sometimes, she'd let someone peek inside those shields, to see who she really was. It was normally on accident. Like, when she was really drunk. She had been doing it for so long that it wasn't a conscious effort anymore. It just happened.

Thane was the same way, she knew that. He knew more about her than anyone else and she suspected she knew more about him than anyone alive. But despite this, they still had their metaphorical shields raised, even around each other. It wasn't a habit that could be broken easily. It would take work to get them to lower them, to let the other truly see what was inside.

It wasn't something Shepard worried about. Either it happened or it didn't. To her, it didn't really matter. She trusted Thane to be honest with her and she would be honest with him. If neither of them gave the other a clear view of whatever was going on in their heads, so be it.

That was why it she was so shocked to come out of her shower, dressed in nothing but pyjamas, to see Thane pace up and down in her quarters. His lips were pressed together, his hands were clasped to fists at his sides and he kept blinking, as to keep himself from crying. When she came into the room, he didn't look up. He didn't even acknowledged that she was there. It was rare that he was still emotional.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked, her voice thick with worry.

"This." Thane gestured between them without looking up.

Ice filled her stomach. What was he talking about? Was he breaking up with her? What the hell was going on?

"What do you mean?" Her voice was harder than she had intended it to be.

"This..." His nostrils flared as he tried to find the right words. "This isn't right, siha. It isn't right of me. To initiate this while being on death's doorstep... I thought I had changed, that I had grown, matured. However, it turns out I'm still the useless creature who got his wife killed. Her death is on my hands. Blood I can't wash off. And now, now I'm forcing you to witness my slow decay which had already started before I met you. Losing my Irikah broke me. Now, I am forcing you to go through the same pain. I am selfish, siha. Selfish and cruel."

The ice melted in Shepard's stomach and her heart clenched as he watched him ramble. Tears had now started running freely down his cheeks and it reminded her for the first night they had been intimate. It was the first time she had seen under his shields, seen him lose the control he was so proud of. Now, once more, suppressed feelings were bubbling to the surface and being released in an explosion.

"You have seen too much pain in your life, siha. Experienced too much pain. You deserve someone who can care for that, who can tend to your wounds, not rip open new ones."

Shepard stepped up to him, touching his arm. She hated seeing him in pain. His smile was one of the most beautiful things in the world, she'd give everything to see a smile instead of the pain on his face now.

"Stop." She said softly.

"Neither of us expected to live past the collector base." He continued, as if he hadn't heard her. "Perhaps it would have been better to go down in that horrid. To not experience the slow death of Kepral's and not force you to stay with me out of pity."

He spat out the last word as if it tasted bad in his mouth. Shepard blinked and took a step back. Was that what he thought? That she had told him she loved him out of _pity_?

"Now, hold on just a minute." Shepard said, her voice sharp. "Where did all of this come from? What have I done to deserve this? Do you honestly think I'd stay with you out of pity? Don't you think I have the balls to break it off with you if I didn't want to be with you out of love? I told you I love you and I fucking mean it."

Before he could respond, Shepard pulled him into a hug and held him close, caressing the ridge on his head and his neck. He hugged her back, his body shaking of silent sobs in her arms. Neither of them spoke for a long time, they just stood there until Thane started to calm down, his body stopped shaking and he seemed to relax a bit. He pulled away from her and looked down, avoiding her eyes.

"Hey." She placed her hands on his cheeks and lifted his face. She wiped away some tears. "I think we need to talk for a bit, okay?"

He just nodded silently and followed her down the small stairs. They sat down in the sofa, Thane still not looking at her. A silent sniffle came from him and Shepard reached over to wipe a few remaining tears from his cheeks.

"Okay. Where did all of this come from?"

"I've been... Thinking."

"Well, yeah, I suspected as much."

"When Irikah died, a part of me died with her. It awoke other parts of me. I... I did things I never thought I'd do. I abandoned my responsibility as a father and I hunted sapient beings, tortured them for my own selfish revenge. My training didn't teach me this. It was a part of me, a beast, hidden deep and was exposed when Irikah died."

"Thane..." Shepard took one of his hands in hers. "Everyone's capable of horrible things. Under the wrong circumstances, everyone can turn into a beast. I've seen honourable people do horrible, horrible things."

Thane leaned his head in his free hand. For a moment, he closed his eyes and let out a low sigh. Shepard wondered how long he had been carrying this around. Just a few days ago, he had seemed so happy. Had it all been an illusion?

"I made a promise to myself and the gods that I would never allow myself to fall for someone again, never allow myself to experience the sweet embrace of love. I was not worthy. Yet, here I sit, with my hand being held by a woman. A woman who loves me." His eyes were sad as he looked up at her. "I love you, siha. Just saying those words make bile rise in my throat. By saying that, I broke the promise to me and to the gods. I promised to never let anyone else be hurt in the foolish name of love."

"Have you considered that a relationship is a two-part thing?" Shepard said with a raised eyebrow. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you. And I know that some day, Kepral's will take you from me. When it does, I'm going to sit next to you and hold your hand, telling you I love you until you can't hear me anymore. I'm not with you because I pity you. I'm with you because I love you. If you don't think you deserve this, so be it. But I think you do and nothing you say can change that."

"Such sweet things you say." He whispered.

"My friend, Liara, told me something the last time I met her. That it's not about how much time you have together, it's about what you do with it."

He leaned back in the sofa and seemed to consider this for a moment. His face was turned towards the fish tank and his hand squeezed hers lightly.

"I suppose you are correct." He eventually said and looked back over at her. "I apologise for this, siha. It was foolish of me to act this way."

As Thane made a move to get out of the sofa, Shepard took a sturdy grip of his hand and kept him in place. No, he wasn't getting away that easy. He had just had a break down in front of her and she sure as hell wasn't going to let him go back to LS to continue this line of thought.

"No, it wasn't. You have to let me in, Thane. You don't have to carry everything alone. I want to help you."

At this, Thane quirked an eyebrow.

"Isn't that a tad hypocritical?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me, siha... How many people have you let in? How many know your darkest fears or your most sacred secrets?" His eyes seemed to stare directly into her soul. "You say I know you best, yet there's little I know about you."

Okay, Shepard could see where he was coming from. It was hypocritical of her to ask him to let her in, while she kept him at a distance. Especially since she had told him just a few moments ago that it took two to form a relationship.

"Okay, I understand what you mean." She sighed. "Forget I said anything."

"What are you hiding from me? What is there beneath your armour that no one is allowed to see?"

Shepard stiffened at the question and bit her jaws together. No one had asked her anything like that outright. Anderson had tried a few times, but had never gotten anything out of her. Tali and Garrus had tried as well, but she had shut them down as well.

"I don't want to air my dirty laundry for everyone to see."

"You'll have to explain that idiom to me."

"Ah, sorry. I just don't want to tell people about shit that has happened in the past. It's not something people need to know about."

"Our past shapes us. Like the sharp corners of a rock being smoothed down by waves."

"Yeah, yeah." Shepard said and tried to pull her hand from his. However, this time he was the one who stopped her.

"Let me in, siha."

How the tables had turned. Shepard didn't like it. She was so used to being on the other side of the conversation. The one who asked the questions, the one who asked to be let in. It was actually quite intimidating.

"Why?" She requested to know.

"I want to help you."

He was just echoing her words from earlier, and Shepard found herself getting increasingly annoyed. She wasn't someone who got angry. It was a long time since she got thoroughly angry at someone.

"That's a stupid reason."

"I wish to help you heal as much as I can before I have to go to the sea. Perhaps you'll have fewer wounds to deal with when I depart."

"Can you just stop?" Shepard forcefully pulled her hand from Thane's. "Stop with this fucking going to the sea and how you wish to help me. I'm thirty years old and I've managed this long on my own. I don't need help. And even if I did, prodding around in my past won't do anything to help. Just... you have enough to deal with. What has happened has happened."

"I do not wish to make you upset." His voice was soft and so was his face. "The choice whether to let me in or not is yours. However, I request that you do not ask something of me that you cannot return."

After those words, Shepard was fighting an internal battle with herself about whether to open up to him or not. No one knew what had happened to her on the streets. No one knew what she about all the unspeakable things she'd done to get drugs, no one knew how the others treated her, no one knew about the scars it had left, both the mental and the physical. Hiding her face in her hands, she sighed.

"What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you wish to tell me."

That was all it took. It was like someone had opened the flood gates. Shepard's voice was level and calm all the while she spoke. She told Thane about the times she had overdosed on purpose, how angry she had been whenever she woke up in the hospital or in some alley covered in her own vomit. She told him about the foster families she'd been sent to after the suicide attempts and about how she ran away from all of them, seeing herself as unworthy of a proper life. She told him about the nights she went to sleep famished and shivering with nothing but a stolen blanket to cover her thin body.

She told him about how the older guys in the gang used her, how she let them since they promised her drugs, food or similar things. Everything just poured out. And she told him about how it felt to wake up after two years of being dead. She told him about Kaiden, about how crushed she had been after returning from Horizon. Everything that had happened to her, good and bad, came out into to light. She spoke more than she ever had.

Eventually, after what felt like several hours, she sagged down in the sofa. She felt completely drained. Thane just looked at her, like he had done throughout her stories. He was once more holding her hands in both of his. Butterflies filled her stomach. How was he going to react?

"I can understand why you haven't shared this with anyone, siha. Thank you for trusting me." He simply said. "But you are correct. What has happened has happened. Though the events of yesterday shapes who you are today, you have not allowed them control you or break you. I find this admirable."

"It felt good to talk about." Shepard said, her voice tired.

She leaned against his shoulder and sighed deeply.

"Will you stay with me tonight, Thane?" She whispered.

"I will stay with you as long as you wish me to."


	15. Poorly

_**Poorly**_

Anxiously, Shepard drummed her fingers against the table surface as she watched the door to LS. She didn't even listen to the conversations that were going on around the table. As far as she knew, Thane hadn't been out today. Perhaps he had been out before Shepard woke up, though it was highly unlikely. She was worried. Well, she almost always worried about him. A large knot had formed in her stomach.

Shepard decided that she couldn't just sit there and wonder what was wrong. Biting her jaws together, she stood up and took her empty coffee cup with her. She could feel Garrus' eyes on her, but he didn't say anything as she walked away from the table. Without a word, she handed the empty cup to Gardner.

For some reason, she stopped outside LS and just stared at the door. She had never hesitated about entering LS before. Perhaps Thane just wanted to be alone. But, her conscience wouldn't let her just walk away, when there was a chance he needed help. After taking a deep breath, Shepard raised her fist and gave the door a short knock before entering.

At first, LS seemed to be empty. Thane wasn't sitting in his usual spot and the lights were dim. The knot in her stomach grew as she looked around and spotted him in his cot. He had the blanket pulled up to his chin and was turned towards the wall. She could see that he was breathing, so that was a good sign. When he heard her approach, he lifted his head and looked over his shoulder. When his eyes met hers, he relaxed and sank down into the cot again.

"Hey..." Shepard said and stroke over his head. "You okay?"

"I'm not having the best of days, siha." His voice was hoarse and rough.

Shepard's heart clenched and she continued to caress the ridge on his head. She felt so helpless, the only thing she could think of doing was to get Chakwas. Fuck Kepral's.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked quietly.

"You needn't worry. I'll just need some rest."

"Well, I'm going to worry anyway." She pressed a kiss on the back of his head. "Have you eaten anything today?"

Before answering, Thane shifted around in the bed. He rolled onto his other side and his eyes met Shepard's. He looked so unspeakably tired and his colour wasn't as vivid as it usually was.

"Though your intentions are good, I am not in need of a nurse. I assure you, I'll be alright." He let out a few coughs.

"You didn't answer my question." She stroke over his cheek. "Besides, you looked after me when I had the flu. This is just me returning the favour."

Thane leaned into her touch and his eyes closed. Shepard knew that he had refused help for so long, he was used to managing this on his own. Though he was taking medications, he refused to accept any other kind of help. Before her, he had even refused to be put on the list for a lung transplant.

"No, I haven't eaten." He said, his eyes still closed. "I would prefer it if the rest of the crew didn't have to see me like this."

"Understandable." Shepard ran her thumb over his cheekbone. "How about a cup of tea and some yoghurt?"

"That sounds good."

"So, I'll get that and be right back." She straightened up. "I love you."

"I love you too, siha."

A sad smile appeared on her lips. They didn't talk about Thane's illness most of the time. Of course, there were times when she was painfully reminded of what was happening to him. Like when he had to take a break while on missions. It didn't happen often, but when it happened, it broke Shepard's heart.

Running a hand through her hair, Shepard left LS and made her way back into the mess. Garrus and Tali were the only ones left at the table. Everyone else who had been having breakfast had apparently left. Avoiding their eyes, Shepard walked right up to Gardner and placed her order.

"Shepard." Garrus said as she waited for Thane's breakfast. "Is he okay?"

"He's having a bad day." Shepard didn't see a point of lying to her friends. "But please don't tell anyone else that. He doesn't want people to know. I doubt most of the crew even knows about his illness."

"Poor Thane..." Tali looked over at the door. "I wish we could do something to help him."

"Well, he's on the list for a lung transplant. We just have to hope he gets it in time." Shepard bit the inside of her cheek.

She was hopeless. First, she falls for a introverted biotic who killed a turian to prove his love to a girl, and then she falls in love with a dying drell. If this was how the rest of her life was going to look in the romance department, she'd just give up.

"Taking down the collectors must have earned him some favours." Garrus crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah..." Shepard sighed.

Garrus looked like he was about to say something more, but Thane's belated breakfast appeared on the kitchen counter. After thanking Gardner, Shepard grabbed the cup and bowl. Sighing once more, she made her way back to LS. She used her elbow to open the door, as her hands were full.

While she was gone, Thane had moved himself into an upright position with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up against his chest. The blanket was wrapped around him. He looked so... Vulnerable. Most of the time, he was so confident and calm. Now, he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Without a word, he took the cup and the bowl from her as she walked up to the bed. As he took a sip of the warm liquid, Shepard moved to sit next to him in the bed. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled her knees up against her chest.

"If you want me to leave, just tell me to." She said softly as he placed the cup on the bedside table to take a spoonful of yoghurt.

"Unless you have something that needs your attention, I would like you to stay."

She smiled and adjusted his blanket so that it was covering him better. They didn't speak as he ate his breakfast. That was the thing with Thane. They could just sit quiet and it never felt awkward. It was just nice and calm.

When both the bowl and cup were empty, Thane yawned widely. It struck Shepard in that moment that she hadn't seen Thane yawn before.

"Come on, nap time." She said and slid out of the cot.

Without protesting, Thane lay down once more and even allowed Shepard to tuck him in. He smiled meekly at her and she gave his forehead a kiss.

"I'll come check on you in a while. Unless you want me to stay."

"Please stay." His voice was low and he avoided her eyes.

Smiling, Shepard nodded and was about to walk to sit down in the chair she usually used when she spoke to Thane. However, the drell lifted his head and looked at her as he patted the space where his pillow now was. Getting the hint, she jumped into the cot and placed the pillow in her lap. With a sigh, Thane laid down again. Gently, she ran her hands over his cheek.

Almost immediately, his eyes drifted shut and his breathing became deep and calm.

* * *

Shepard pushed the food around on her plate. The knot in her stomach made it difficult to force down the dinner. Thane had been in LS most of the day. After lunch, he had at least move from his cot to his usual chair. But he still wasn't well. And she worried.

As she heard the familiar swish of a door opening, she looked up to see Thane exit his hidey hole. He looked better than he had done that morning. Sure, he was still pale and his eyes were still tired, but he looked better. He was wearing his usual attire, but hadn't tightened the first strap on his jacket. As he walked up to Gardner to ask for some dinner, Shepard felt herself relax.

"Thane!" Garrus exclaimed. "There you are."

Shepard shot her friend a hard look. If he mentioned that Thane had been gone the whole day, she might have to give him a matching scar on the other side of the face.

"Who's the best sniper? Me or Shepard?"

Once more, Shepard relaxed in her seat. She brought her fork to her mouth. The food actually had taste now.

"Bah! You can't ask him." Zaeed grumbled. "He's biased."

A small smile played over Thane's lips as he took a seat next to her and took a sip of the water.

"Though you are a formidable sniper, Garrus." He begun. "I believe Shepard is superior. I have seen her take out a mercenary while he was dropping from an airship."

"Right, Shepard." Garrus narrowed his eyes. "You, me, the Citadel shooting range. Let's settle this."


	16. Valentine

**_Valentine_**

Human history was a fascinating and gruesome subject. It was filled with bloodshed, death and other monstrosities. More often than not, the atrocities were committed due to religion or race. Thane had never heard of another species that killed their own kinsmen due to the shade of their skin, or because they held different beliefs. He could understand why humans could be seen as aggressive.

After initiating a relationship with Shepard, Thane had started delving deeper into her species' history and culture. Everything about the humans intrigued him. They were such a diverse and divided species. Their religions, their political beliefs, their views on life... Though there were fewer humans than there were, for example, turians or asari, humans seemed to be more diverse as a whole.

Something else that had captured Thane's attention were their holidays. It seemed like what holidays one celebrated was related to what religion one belonged to. He knew that his siha had been born in a Christian part of earth and therefore made the assumption that she'd celebrate these holidays, even though she was an atheist. He recalled her saying something about something called Christmas, which was a part of Christianity as far as he knew.

It was well into the night cycle on the Normandy and Thane was still up. He knew that he should be asleep, but he would just finish the article he was currently reading. However, he had been saying that about the past ten articles. After having made his way through most of the larger Christian holidays, he was beginning to read up on the smaller ones. Currently, he was reading up on something called Saint Valentine's Day. A holiday with a nice sentiment, but a strange beginning. How could a man being sentenced to death evolve into a day dedicated to love?

"Sere Krios." EDI's synthetic voice filled the room. "In three standard days, it's February the 14th on Earth."

"Thank you, EDI." Thane looked over at the blue icon. Once he tore his eyes away from the datapad, he realised how tired he was. "However, what I will do with this information will have to wait. Sleep beckons me."

"Very well, Sere Krios. Logging you out."

 _When did I log in?_ Thane thought to himself as he gently placed the datapad next to his cot. With images of flowers and old drawings in churches swimming in his brain, Thane drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Thane decided that he needed a human's input on what to do for his siha on Valentine's Day. Shepard was out of the question, he had decided that this would be a surprise for her. Jack and Zaeed didn't feel like reliable sources. Kasumi could possibly help, but she wasn't good enough at keep secrets. The same went for miss Chambers. Thane didn't know anyone else on the crew well enough to ask. So, that just left one: Joker.

The pilot had known Shepard the longest and he would hopefully be able to give Thane a few decent tips on how to vow his siha. She had been stressed lately, being on the run from Cerberus was taking a toll on her. She needed a night to just relax and enjoy herself. And as her significant other (It was the best way Thane could describe his relationship to her. Boyfriend sounded so juvenile, they were both over thirty after all.), Thane felt like it was his responsibility.

"Joker." He said as he walked up behind the pilot.

Flinching violently, Joker spun around and met Thane's eyes. This wasn't an unusual reaction when Thane came to talk to someone. Apparently, he was walking quietly even though he wasn't trying. Skills that had been honed in him and that he had utilised for nearly thirty years weren't so easily thrown away. He couldn't just will himself to walk loudly. Drell weren't a loud species to start with.

"Fucking hell!" Joker exclaimed. "Not okay."

"My apologies. I did not intend to frighten you." Thane bowed his head slightly.

"Can't you just stomp a bit more?" Joker leaned back in his chair. "So, did you need anything?"

"I wanted to ask you about Valentine's Day." Thane said as he clasped his hands behind his back and looked out through the large windows.

"Erm..." Joker raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you want to know?"

"I am aware that it's soon the 14th, according to Earth's calendar. I wish to do something pleasant for Shepard, though I'm unsure what is expected of me."

"Look, it's nothing serious. It's mostly just an excuse for guys to ask for a blowjob after cooking their chick something nice."

It was now Thane's time to raise an eyebrow and glance over at Joker. The pilot didn't look as if he had made a joke as he sat in his chair, looking at the large holos in front of him.

"But, other than that, you give your special someone flowers or chocolate or some crap like that." Joker scratched his beard. "Perhaps some stupid plushy toy that ends up in the far back of a closet or something."

"Hm." Thane was beginning to regret this. Perhaps it would have been better to ask someone else.

"Thane." Joker pressed a button on his chair and it spun around. "Get some candles, make Gardner cook something nice and have a candlelit dinner with Shepard in her cabin. That should be enough."

"Thank you, Joker." Thane bowed his head. "I will consider what you've said."

* * *

Being on the run was exhausting. Shepard ran a hand through her hair as she waited for the elevator to stop at her cabin. She knew that she should go back to the Alliance, that she would try to explain her actions and take whatever consequences there were to working so closely with a terrorist organisation. With the reapers approaching quickly, she knew that she should try to get them to listen. She should start preparing.

But there was something holding her back. Everything was just perfect as it was. Floating around in space, doing some missions here and there, being with her friends... It was nice. And none of them had anywhere to be, so there was no reason to hurry. Just a little longer. She could pretend the galaxy wasn't at risk a little longer.

Sighing to herself, Shepard stepped out of the elevator. Hopefully, she'd be able to take a shower before Gardner finished cooking the dinner. After she hoped to have a cup of tea with Thane. He had been nowhere to be seen for most of the day, and that certainly didn't improve her mood.

The door to her cabin slid open and she came to a halt on the doorstep. Candles were filling the room with a soft, golden light and classical music was playing quietly in the background. A bouquet of roses stood on the table, giving off a pleasant scent. Two glasses of wine and two plates of what looked like mushroom risotto stood on the table.

Next to the whole display stood Thane. His hands were behind his back and he was bouncing on the balls of his feet as she took in the room. The smile on his face was a strange mix of a nervous one and a pleased one.

"Wow." Shepard just said as she walked into the room and up to Thane. "You did all this?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Though, Gardner did the cooking. I have to admit I am quite a lousy cook. Gardner informed me that 'risotto' is quite a popular dish on Earth. If you're not fond of it, I'm certain he could-"

Shepard smiled and silenced him with a kiss. She had no idea why she deserved all of this, but it was amazing nonetheless.

"What's the occasion?" She asked as she ran her hands over the red frills on his neck.

"Valentine's Day." He stated, as if it was obvious.

The smile on Shepard's face grew and she gave him another kiss, a deeper one this time. His knowledge of humans always amazed her. When he had quoted Hobbes, she had been quite surprised, and somewhat aroused. She loved a guy she could talk philosophy with.

"I just fall more and more in love with you each day." She mumbled against his lips.

"You have been quite stressed lately, so I figured you could use a night off." He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her close to him. "Forget about being Commander Shepard, siha. Just be Ripley with me tonight. Just you and I, no worries, no fears. Just us."

"Sounds perfect." Shepard breathed. "I love you."


	17. Anger

**_Anger_**

The abandoned colony had been an idyllic farming community until the collectors came. The whole colony just... Gone. Turned into that horrible human reaper. No one left, except for confused livestock that soon starved. And, of course, the Blue Suns had moved in directly. It could be a strong hold, giving them a stronger position in that section of Terminus space.

There had been a chance for the colony to be rebuilt, resettled. The soil was perfect for farming, the weather was pleasant and the views were picturesque. But, the mercs had instead gone ahead and ruined it all. What had once been beautiful was now a right mess. Shepard felt anger boil in her as she walked through the trees that closely resembled the pines that could be found back on Earth.

Crates with drugs, ammunition and weapons were scattered around the forest. They had clearly not suspected anyone to actually come check this place out.

"This is sloppy, even for the Suns." Garrus grumbled as he kicked one of the crates. "They're a bit too cocky for their own good."

"It's safe to conclude that they assumed no one would look closer at what is believed to be an abandoned colony." Thane cocked his pistol and scanned the forest.

Shepard didn't say anything as she jumped over a fallen tree. This was not the place one would associate with merc activity. Pretty flowers grew among the trees and birds were singing. They didn't sound anything like the birds back on Earth, but their song was nice nonetheless.

It felt like they had been tracking through the forest for ages. The probe that Shepard sent had landed pretty much right in the colony, but as they had tried to land they had been met with some grenade launchers. So, the Suns knew they were on their way. Not that it mattered. The trio was prepared for mostly anything. After all, it wasn't long since they had taken down a proto-reaper. A few mercs wouldn't be an issue.

"We don't have things like this on Palaven." Garrus mused as he stepped over a small bush.

"There are a lot of places similar to this on Earth. The top part of the Northern Hemisphere is covered in this. It reminds me a bit of home."

Thane kept quiet and continued to scan their surroundings. There were more and more crates around them. They were probably approaching the colony, much to Shepard's relief. If it hadn't been for her armour, she would be pretty badly scratched up from the large torns on some of the bushes around them. And it was pretty warm.

"THEY'RE HERE!"

The sudden yell caused all three of them to jump and automatically dive down behind a few crates just before bullets started raining down around them. Bullets buried themselves in the tree trunks around them, as well as in the ground, tearing up grass and moss. Cloaking herself, Shepard leaped over the crate and took cover behind a tree instead. It gave her a better view of the battle field.

The hostiles were mostly made out of troopers, there were a few legionnaires, heavies and two commanders. But there were a lot of them. More than she had expected.

Before her cloak dropped, she managed to take down two heavies. But her cover was then blown. Even the thickest of mercs would realise that she was behind that tree, cloaked or not. As a bullet went just a few centimetres from her face, she retreated into her cover once more.

"Garrus, overload the shields!" She ordered while draining another legionnaire's shields.

"Got it." Looking up from behind his cover, he aimed his omni-tool at one of the batarians.

This was Shepard's dream-team. They worked like well-oiled machine. Despite bullets hailing down around them, they managed to dodge them all while picking of the mercs. One by one, they fell to the ground, either charred from Shepard's incinerate, filled with holes from Garrus' assault rifle or with a precise hole between their eyes from Thane's sniper rifle.

Eventually, there was only one commander left. After Garrus had overloaded his shields and Thane had warped his armour, Shepard cloaked herself once more. Sprinting, she made her way up to the commander. Before he could even react to the shimmering figure that appeared in front of him, Shepard drove her omni-tool's knife through his stomach. A low groan escaped from him before he collapsed.

Sighing, Shepard wiped sweat off her brow. She was covered in blood (not her own) and nearly out of clips.

"Well done boys." She called out as she reached down to pick up a few clips.

That was when she heard the familiar heavy thumps of a YMIR mech. It appeared around a corner, focusing its 'head' on Shepard.

 _Shit._ She thought as she scanned her surroundings. She was completely exposed, there was nothing to hide behind. Her cloak was still recharging. There was no point in trying to shoot it. There was a strong shield and a shit ton of armour between her and a dead mech. She was fucked.

Raising its left arm, it pointed it towards Shepard. Determined to not die to a mech, Shepard started running towards the closest cover. But it was too far and the mech was ready to fire. She didn't have to look back to know that it was pointing at her.

The rocket hit the ground just behind her heels, sending her flying through the air. With a crunching _thud_ she hit the closest tree and collapsed onto the ground. Her head was swimming and the wind had been completely knocked out of her.

Through the ringing in her ears, she heard bullets pelting metal and the mechanical whining as the mech changed direction. It didn't take long before an explosion shook the ground. A few seconds later, a grey face and a green one appeared over her.

"Shepard?" Garrus asked. "Are you alright? C'mon, talk to me."

"I'm fine." Shepard croaked. "Just... Winded."

Grabbing her hand, Garrus pulled her onto her feet and brushed off some dirt from her armour. Her ribs hurt and she winced as she inhaled.

She had barely made it onto her feet before Thane was on her, his hands on her shoulders. He pushed her up against the tree, completely ignoring how she grimaced in pain as her back hit the solid mass. There was a look she had never seen before on his face. His nostrils were flared and his eyes were hard. He was angry.

"What were you thinking?" He hissed, his voice low.

It was similar to the tone she had heard when she compared the Compact to slavery. It was a tone that reminded her that Thane was one of the best, if not _the_ best, assassin in the galaxy and that if he wanted, he could kill her right there.

"What were you thinking?" He repeated and took a harder grip on her shoulders. "You couldn't have known if that commander was the last of them. There could have been a wave of reinforcements waiting just behind the corner. For all you knew, an army could have been headed our way. And still, you decided to throw caution to the wind. _What were you thinking_?"

The honest answer was that Shepard hadn't been thinking. Normally, she was careful and calculating. She was a tactician, putting the safety of her squad before everything else. After Akuze, she couldn't stand the thought of leaving without someone who came with her.

"I'm sorry." She said, truthfully. "I wasn't thinking."

"Well, that much was obvious." Thane released her shoulders and backed away, arms crossed over his chest. Shepard had never seen him like this.

"Come on, we have to look around to make sure that we got them all." Shepard avoided Thane's eyes as she picked up her gun.

* * *

"You got lucky, Shepard." Chakwas said as she handed Shepard her shirt back. "Your ribs are only bruised, not broken. Take it easy for a few days and you'll be right as rain. I'll get you something for the pain."

"Thanks doc." Shepard pulled the t-shirt over her head and let out a hiss as her ribs protested.

"Take these at breakfast, lunch and dinner for three days." The older woman handed Shepard a small bottle of pills.

The door to the medbay opened and both women looked over. As they saw Thane walk in, Shepard gaze dropped to her knees. The drell hadn't spoken to her since the incident down on the planet. She hadn't seen him that angry before. Normally, he kept his emotions well under control. She had seen him break down, yes, but not like this.

"I'll give you two some space." Chakwas said, immediately sensing the tension between the couple.

"Thank you." Thane bowed his head slightly as the doctor walked past him.

Shepard picked at a piece of lint on her trousers, still not looking up at Thane. She was ashamed. She knew that he was right to be angry with her.

"Siha, I want to apologise for how I reacted during the mission." His feet appeared in her field of vision.

"You don't have to apologise." Shepard glanced up. "You're right. I was stupid. I wasn't thinking and it nearly cost me my life."

"I love you and I worry about you." He sat down beside her on the bed. "But it doesn't excuse my reaction."

Shepard didn't bother answering, she simply leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips. She felt him relax next to her as she placed a hand on his thigh. Answering her kiss, he ran a hand through her hair.

They continued the kiss for a few moments, before Thane broke away. Gently, he caressed her cheek. Once more, there was a soft expression on his face and he smiled that smile that seemed to be reserved for her. He placed a kiss on the tip of her nose before standing. Shepard followed his example. She saw no reason for staying in the medbay now that she had gotten her pills.

With their fingers intertwined, they left the room. The mess was nearly empty, apart from Gardner, Chakwas and Garrus.

"I'm going to grab some coffee." Shepard said to Thane.

He gave her a short nod before releasing her hand and heading towards LS. Once he had left her side, Shepard walked up to the coffee machine and started preparing a cup. She didn't actually like coffee, but she liked the rush the caffeine gave her.

"You two going to be okay?" Garrus asked as he walked up to her.

"Yeah." Shepard assured. "Don't worry."

"You know, you tell everyone to not worry about you, but then you do shit that makes us all worry about you. If you don't want us to worry, stop doing stupid things."

Shepard couldn't help but smile.


	18. Skin

_So, I read a fic about Thane shedding, and it's now a part of my headcanon._

* * *

 ** _Skin_**

Shepard, once again, found herself worrying about Thane. It seemed like all of her time nowadays was spent either with Thane, thinking about Thane or worrying about Thane.

Lately, he hadn't been himself. In lack of a better word, he had been grumpy. It wasn't too obvious to those who didn't spend as much time with him as Shepard did, but he was definitely more irritable, less sociable (if that was even possible) and shied away from her touch. His colour had dulled, going from a vibrant green to a dull grey-green. The black patterns had turned into dark grey and his eyes seemed dull. And though he had never been a big eater, he now ate next to nothing.

Determined to find out what was wrong, Shepard knocked on the door to LS and waited for Thane's permission to enter. When a muffled _come in_ could be heard, Shepard pressed her hand against the large, green button.

As per usual, Thane sat by his little table, with the back to the door. He didn't move when she entered. With her eyebrows drawn together in confusion and worry, Shepard stepped towards the table.

"Did you need something?" He quietly as she approached.

"I just wanted to see if you're okay." She said and sat down in the chair opposite him. "You haven't been yourself these past few days."

"Ah." He absentmindedly ran his sharp nails over his neck. "My apologies. I didn't mean for it to be so... Obvious."

"Has something happened? Are you ill?"

"No." His voice was hard and Shepard blinked in surprise. He shook his head. "You must excuse my short temper today, siha. I have just entered a period of shedding."

"Shedding." Shepard repeated, her voice flat.

This was... Unexpected. Of course, she had thought about how similar Thane's skin was to the skin of lizards, but she hadn't thought that it was _that_ similar. Her mind flashed back to one of her friends who had been lost on Akuze. The guy had an iguana and Shepard could clearly recall how angry the normally docile reptile had been while it was shedding. She also recalled how her friend used to spray the iguana with a spray bottle to help with the shedding. An image of Shepard spraying Thane with a spray bottle appeared in her mind and she had to bite back a laugh.

"Yes." Thane replied, voice just as flat. "It's not hazardous for my health and should pass within a few days. You needn't worry."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Shepard asked, the image of the spray bottle still present in her mind.

"I appreciate your offer." He nodded politely in her direction, once more scratching at his neck. A large flake of skin dislodged itself. "It is difficult to reach parts of my back and it can quickly become unbearable. Imagine wearing a too tight shirt which has been filled with small bugs that are climbing over your skin. It is the closest description I can think of."

"Sounds like it sucks."

A small smile played over his lips and he nodded silently. Shepard reached over to take his hands, but changed her mind. She wasn't going to touch him if it was uncomfortable.

"Unless it would be a bother..." He looked at her with an almost embarrassed look on his face. "Could you help me with my back?"

"Of course." She smiled at him.

Standing up, Shepard walked over to stand behind him. Thane turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow, but as she placed her hands on his neck and started scratching, he just let out a low, pleased growl.

* * *

The two chairs that normally stood by the table had been pulled into the middle of the room, where Shepard and Thane now sat. While Shepard was still fully clothed, Thane had stripped down into just his underwear. He sat backwards on the chair, his forearms resting on the top of the backrest.

"Comfortable?" Shepard asked as she scooted forward.

"Comfortable enough." He mumbled as he rested his cheek against his arm.

"If I do something wrong, if I hurt you or anything, tell me immediately." She said and chewed the inside of her cheek.

"Of course."

"Alright, here goes..."

Shepard placed her hands on the top of his back and started scratching. Small, diamond shaped flakes of skin rained onto the floor of LS, along with the occasional larger piece. The low hums of pleasure that came from Thane spurred her on a bit and she continued to gently scratch her way down her lover's back.

While the old grey-ish skin, the new skin was, if possible, even a more vivid green than it had been before. It was also a lot softer than Thane's skin usually was.

"How often do you shed?" Shepard asked, curious about this new revelation.

"When we are children, we shed quite often. Once every month from infancy, until around six years of age. After that, there's more time between sheds, thank the gods. A grown drell shed about once every year. The process takes about week, at most. The closest thing I can compare it to is the human female's menstrual cycle."

Shepard almost felt guilty at that statement. He had found out so much about humans, both about the culture and the physiology, but she hadn't thought about finding out anything about his physiology. Perhaps it helped that he could remember everything.

"I guess every species has some bodily function other species go _ew_ at." She mused as a particularly large flake dislodged. "How do you handle your back when you don't have anyone to help?"

"We usually find a rough surface and, well, rub our backs against it until the dead skin comes off."

Shepard had a really hard time not bursting out with laughter at the mental image of Thane rubbing himself against the edge of a table, like a cat. A low snort escaped her. Thane turned his head a bit.

"Sorry, sorry." She said and bit back another laugh. "I didn't mean to laugh. It's just... You're usually so dignified. The thought of you rubbing yourself against a table is just glorious."

Most of the dead skin had been removed from Thane's back now and lay at their feet. There were a few patches left, that weren't ready to be removed yet. Shepard had to apply a large dose of self control to not tug them off.

"Feel okay?" She asked and stood up, brushing off the flakes that had ended up on her clothes.

"Hm, yes." He rubbed his eyes before straightening up. "Thank you."

Shepard moved around so that she was in front of him and knelt down. He looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Close your eyes." She said softly and raised her hands.

Thane just shrugged and did as he was told. His eyes closed and he rested his chin on his forearm. Gently, Shepard placed her hands on the sides of his face and ran her thumbs over his closed eyes. The dry skin there started to peel off as she did so.

"That feels quite good." He hummed.

"My friend had an iguana." She said as she continued. "He used to do this when it was shedding."

"Iguana?"

"It's a large reptilian from Earth. You sort of remind me of one."

Two large, round flakes dislodged from Thane's eyelids and fell onto the floor. Every so gently, she pressed a kiss between his eyebrows and stood up. When her hands left Thane's face, he looked up at her with an almost sad look in his face.

"You know, I'd be more than happy to help you with the rest of your body as well."

The corners of his mouth twitched and he sat up straight, dragging his nails across his arm. More flakes fell onto the floor.

"I might take you up on that offer." He smiled.


	19. Ex

_So... Sorry all Kaiden lovers for this chapter._

 _I romanced him in ME1 and then started hating him after Horizon._

 _And, in ME3, when he asks if you want to get back together after Thane just died..._

* * *

 ** _Ex_**

"What if I buy you ice cream?"

"I am not a child, siha."

"Okay, what about a new scope for your rifle?"

"The one I have now is more than adequate."

"I'll go with you to a hanar poetry reading."

"As much as I enjoy both poetry and the company of hanar, I've never been too fond of their poetry."

"I'll give you anything you want, Thane. Just _please_ don't make me do this on my own. I'm going to die and slow an painful death if I have to go alone."

"I've never heard of anyone dying due to shopping, siha."

It's amazing how much shopping you had to do when you lived on a spaceship. It turned out that twelve squad mates, plus several crewmen ate _a lot_. Toilet paper was another thing that there seemed to be a constant shortage of, along with pads and tampons for the human females aboard.

And now that they were cut off from Cerberus supply chains, they had to do all of this shopping themselves. Or, well, Shepard had to do all this shopping by herself. Occasionally, if she pleaded and begged enough, she could get someone else to come along. But most of the squad seemed to mysteriously disappear whenever it was time for a supply run. Even Thane, her faithful sidekick and lover did his very best to avoid coming along for the extremely costly trip.

It was the most tedious task in the world. Well, apart from scanning planets for resources. It was the second most tedious task. It was just a day of running around whatever planet or space station they happened to be close to and looking for various common household items. Back on Earth, everything had been in the same store at least.

They were about to dock on the Citadel, which was, by far, the worst station for shopping. Shepard would very much like to meet the people who planned the Citadel's shopping districts. And give them a friendly punch in the face. When C-Sec wasn't looking, of course.

"Thane, I beg of you..." Shepard rolled over in the bed so that she was on top of him. "Please come with me."

"Hm." Thane hummed and lazily ran his hands up Shepard's sides, sending pleasant shivers through her body. "Alright. But you owe me a favour."

"Of course. Thank you." Shepard pressed her own lips against his.

As he answered the kiss, Thane continued to caress her torso. His rough hands ran over her back, her sides and her stomach, up towards her breasts. Shepard shook her head and pulled away.

"As much as I'd like to stay and find out where this is going..." She breathed against his lips. "We're almost out of toilet paper."

* * *

Shepard was not looking forward to going over her bank account after this. The crew on the Normandy got by every day by using the credits they had before cutting ties with Cerberus. And, selling the resources they no longer needed. But it was still something that was in constant short supply.

"Siha, let's get lunch." Thane said as she pulled herself away from the terminal, having bought a frightening amount of dextro rations.

"We only have a few places left." She grumbled before arranging with the clerk to have it all delivered to the Normandy.

But as he mentioned getting something to eat, Shepard's stomach started growling. This had taken longer than she had planned. Normally, she'd manage to be back on the ship by lunch.

"Siha..." Thane placed his hands on her hips and his chin rested on her shoulder. "Let me take you somewhere nice. Remember, you owe me a favour."

Turning around in his arms, Shepard placed a small kiss on her lover's nose.

"You make a good point, Krios." She sighed. "Fine. Let's get lunch."

A slightly smug smile appeared on Thane's lips, the kind he always got when he managed to win a game of wills with Shepard. Both of them were strong-willed individuals and it could sometimes be difficult for them to agree on something.

"Is there anything in particular that you'd like to eat?" He asked as they left the store.

Shepard was about to answer that she didn't really care and that he could decide when she collided with a human who was pre-occupied with his omni-tool. A low _oof_ came from Shepard as she staggered back.

"Hey, watch were you walk." The human said and looked up.

The brown eyes that met Shepard's green ones were beyond familiar. Kaidan Alenko, of all people. Both of the soliders took a step back from each other.

"Shepard." He said with a flat voice and his eyes flickered over to Thane.

"Alenko." Shepard said with a short nod.

"Didn't know you were on the Citadel." Kaidan said, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Supply run." She crossed her arms over her chest.

She really wasn't in the mood for this. She just wanted to have lunch with Thane, not talk to Kaidan. Their last meeting had been less than pleasant, to say the least. Any feelings that she had for the dark haired man had died then.

"What? Cerberus doesn't have procurement chains?"

"I'm not with them anymore."

Thane stood next to Shepard, his back straight and his hands clasped behind his back, but he had a hard look on his face. He placed a possessive hand on the small of Shepard's back. Kaidan's eyes moved between the two of them.

"And who is this?" Kaidan mimicked Shepard's stance.

"None of your damn business, that's who this is."

Perhaps Shepard's voice was a bit too hard and cold. But Kaidan had really hurt her on Horizon. After being dead and coming back, it seemed like everyone had just moved on. They barely reacted when they met her. And then Kaidan had given her the middle finger and walked off without even listening to what she had say.

"Was it that easy to forget me?" He clenched his jaw. "I though we had something Shepard."

"Yes, _had_ being the most important word in that sentence." Shepard was angry now. "Then you told me to fuck off at Horizon without even letting me tell you what had happened. I'm sorry I died and that I couldn't fucking pick who brought me back from the dead, or that I could send a postcard while being on the operating table. By the way, do you know how it feels to wake up after two years have passed? One moment, I was suffocating in space, the next I woke up in a Cerberus lab."

She stopped to take a breath and she felt one of Thane's hands wrap around her wrist. She wasn't sure if it was to calm her, or to keep her from punching Kaidan in the face.

"And do you know who was the only one who was happy to see me when I showed up alive? Wrex! Fucking Wrex, who I almost shot on Virmire, was the only one who was happy to see me. When I met you, I thought that you would at least listen to me. But you didn't, you never did."

"I did listen to you!" Kaidan interrupted before she could continue.

"Oh yeah? What's my favourite colour? Where on Earth did I grow up? What's the history behind my name?"

There was no answer from Kaidan, he just glanced over at Thane who had taken a step forward, almost putting himself between Kaidan and Shepard.

"That's what I thought." Shepard said and shook her head. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go and have lunch with a man who actually cares about me. And don't bother sending any more messages."

"I don't know who you are anymore, Shepard. You're not the woman I loved. The woman I loved would never team up with terrorists or cheat on her boyfriend." Kaidan stepped to the side. "But when you come to your senses and dump the lizard... I'll be here. And I might just listen."

"Excuse me?" Shepard hissed and stepped towards Kaidan. She was almost right in his face now. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"Shepard." Thane spoke up for the first time since this whole thing started. "Let's leave before this escalates."

Without saying anything else, Shepard turned around, hair flying. With her hands clenched into fists by her sides, she walked off with Thane in tow.

* * *

Shepard lay on her side in the bed and traced her finger over Thane's dark stripes, from his shoulders down to his stomach. His breathing was deep and calm as he held her close with one arm.

Though Shepard knew she should sleep, she wasn't tired at all. Thoughts were swimming in her head, she couldn't stop thinking of the encounter with Kaidan earlier that day. How entitled he had been, as if he expected her to come running back into his arms. Idiot.

"Thane?" Shepard whispered to see if he was still awake.

"Yes?" He answered.

"What would you do if Irikah suddenly showed up alive?"

He scooted down a bit, so that he was face-to-face with Shepard. Gently, he cupped her cheek and ran his thumb over her cheekbone.

"I'd fall on my knees before her, beg for her forgiveness. Just like I did when I met her. But, I would never expect her to take me back, to love me like she loved me before her death." He pressed his lips against hers. "Are your thoughts lingering on Alenko?"

"I..." Shepard sighed. "Yeah. I mean, I understand why he is angry. It can't be easy to love some, then lose them and then suddenly find out they're alive again. But he could at least have listened. And I didn't love him, we had two months of, well, _something_. But I cared about him."

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

If Shepard wasn't mistaken, she could hear a hint of nervousness in Thane's voice. Was he worried she'd leave him for Kaidan?

"No." Shepard said. "My heart only belongs to you."

There was no verbal answer from Thane. Instead, he pressed his lips together again. Running his hand up her back, it was clear that he intended to pick up where they left off that morning.


	20. A dangerous man

_**A dangerous man**_

Thane Krios was a dangerous man. There was no room for ifs or buts in that statement. He had been trained since he was six years old to take lives. At twelve, when most children started learning how to use division with decimal numbers or how to write things with the right unit, Thane had killed for the first time.

When he came aboard the Normandy, everyone knew how dangerous he was. For weeks after he had been recruited, people did their best to not be alone with him. Conversations would quiet as he went past. People were scared of him at first. But as time went on, when they learned who he really was, everyone started relaxing. Thane was no longer Krios the assassin, he became Thane the squadmate. And to Shepard, he became Thane the boyfriend.

Shepard had stopped associating Thane with the word 'dangerous'. How could a man that snuggled so affectionately against her, or who's hands are so gentle as they caressed her be dangerous? It didn't make any sense. Of course, she saw him in battle and knew that he was a skilled marksman. But it wasn't the same.

But Shepard got a shocking reminder of this as she, Thane and Tali were clearing out small band of mercenaries that as praying on a tiny turian colony. What they had expected when they went in was nothing against they actually encountered. Krogan, humans and batarians were species you normally wouldn't associate with one another, but here they were, fighting side-by-side to take down Shepard and her squad.

The trio was pinned down behind some large crates. Bullets hailed down around them and the mercs were surprisingly organised. While some reloaded, the others continued shooting. There was no chance for them to get a clear shot.

As Shepard turned to the others to suggest a temporary retreat through the door, and use it as a bottleneck to take down the mercs, she noticed that Tali was the only one there. The quarian was gripping her shotgun as if it was a life line.

"Tali!" Shepard asked as she shot one of the mercs that rounded the crates. "Where's Thane?"

"I don't know!"

Shit. This wasn't good. Shepard felt her stomach twist in worry and she looked around to try and spot a hint of green. But she couldn't see anything. What had happened? Had he gotten brave and was bleeding out somewhere ahead of them?

The voice of one of her previous COs came into her head after they had lost a few people in an attack against batarians. _You can't help the dead, focus on the living._

"We'll have to retreat through the door and use that as a bottleneck." Shepard explained her plan.

"Right." Tali nodded.

Keeping their heads down, they bolted for the door. Sliding around the corner, Shepard pressed her back against the wall. As they advanced into the room to find a better position, she glanced back to see what was going on in the room where they had been pinned down.

That's when she saw him. Somehow, he had managed to get across the whole battlefield without being spotted. He was working his way from the back of the room towards the doorway Shepard and Tali had just gone through. As he went, he left a trail of dead bodies behind him. Humans with snapped necks, krogans with their airways collapsed or head ridges pulled back, batarians with the soft spots between their eyes crushed in, leaving them with a brain haemorrhage that would kill them within seconds. Silent and lethal, Thane worked his way through the room.

Tearing her eyes away from him, Shepard started doing her job as well, placing bullets between the eyes of remaining hostiles. She and Tali kept them distracted with gunfire, while Thane continued his lethal dance.

When the last krogan was a large bastard with an intense regeneration speed. Thane crept up behind him as the two others continued to shoot at him. His fist when to the krogan's throat, causing him to let out a horrible rasping sound and collapsing to his knees. Thane then placed his hands on either side of his head and with a force that Shepard didn't know Thane had in him, he twisted. The krogan's head was now almost ninety degrees away from where it should be.

For the first time in her life, Shepard felt slightly scared of Thane. He was the perfect weapon. Without making himself known, he had taken down nearly half the targets in the room with his hands. No one had even noticed him until they lay dying on the floor. A shiver ran down Shepard's spine.

"Are you alright?" Thane asked as he came up to the two of them, brushing off some dirt from his jacket.

"Yes." Tali said.

Shepard didn't say anything and started instead collecting the dropped thermal clips.

* * *

"Siha?" His rough voice pulled Shepard out of her thoughts. "Are you unwell?"

"I'm fine." Shepard looked up.

The shuttle had stopped, she had barely noticed. After the mission, she was stuck in thoughts. She was scolding herself for letting what had happened in that warehouse shake her this much. She knew what Thane was capable of, she had read through his dossier at Liara's base. Yet, here she was, lingering on it.

"You are unusually quiet." He pointed out as they excited the shuttle. "Are you certain you're well?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." Shepard assured.

"I assume you have a good reason for lying to me." There was a hint of sadness in his tone as he said this.

"Look, Thane..." Shepard grabbed his arm and stopped him from getting on the elevator. "When you came onto the Normandy, I knew you were an assassin, and a good one at that. But then I started getting to know you and all of that just peeled away. You're caring, sensitive, intelligent... I almost forgot that you're the best assassin in the galaxy."

As she spoke, Thane kept a respectful silence. There was a look of both confusion and curiosity on his face as she explain what was bothering her.

"But today, in that room. Your eyes had this cold determination. And you snapped several krogan necks with your bare hands. I don't know, it just threw me off balance a bit. When you're with me, you're so loving, kind and tender."

"I see." Thane clasped his hands behind his back. "It was not my intention to frighten you, I simply saw no other solution to the situation we-"

"Shush." Shepard said and gave Thane a hard look. "You didn't scare me and I still love you as much as I did this morning, I just forgot that you're not always the Thane you are with me."

Letting out a sigh, Shepard pressed her lips quickly against Thane's. He stiffened in surprise for a few moments before answering the kiss. Not long after, Shepard pulled back.

"We should probably go and get something to eat."

"Yes." Thane gave one of her hands a quick squeeze.

* * *

Shepard sat cross-legged on her bed and was scratching the space hamster, Luna, behind the ears. The little creature let out a pleased squeak as Shepard offered her a piece of cashew nut. Taking it in her small paws, she started nibbling on it.

The door to her cabin slid open and Thane walked in. There was a small crease between his eyebrows as he looked on her.

"Thane." She said and smiled.

He didn't say anything as he walked down the small stair. Just below it, he stopped and stood there, looking at her with his hands behind his back. Shepard raised an eyebrow at him.

"Siha, I wish to speak to you about earlier today, about what you said down by the shuttle."

"Oh." Shepard said and patted the free space on the bed. "Okay."

Letting out a pained sigh, the drell sat down and placed his hands on his knees. His eyes were fixed on the floor and Shepard placed a hand on the small of his back, in what she hoped was an encouraging gesture.

"I hope you can understand that who I am is not the killer you saw in the warehouse today. That was my body, the tool my soul inhabits. When I am with you, that is who I am. That is my soul-"

Thane was interrupted in his rather touching speech as Luna climbed over Shepard's calf and approached him. As soon as his dark eyes fell on the small and fuzzy creature, he flew out of the bed and ended up close to the sofa.

"You okay?" Shepard asked and scooped up the hamster.

"Siha..." Thane looked down Luna, who was now emptying her pouches in Shepard's lap. "Why is it not in its cage?"

"Hamsters are fantastic creatures. If you take your time with them, they become awesome and cuddly pets. It would be a shame to just keep her locked up in a cage."

Thane did not look convinced.

"Isn't it dangerous? In a lot of the galaxy, creatures similar to this rodent would be considered 'vermin'."

"Thane-" Shepard did her best to hold back a laugh. "Are you scared of hamsters?"

"I am most certainly not. I am simply aware of the risks of being in so close proximity to fauna that is known for carrying disease."

As he spoke, Shepard had taken Luna in her hands and was advancing towards the drell. Thane took a few steps back, but was hindered by the sofa. He almost fell over them his legs hit the object. Shepard reached out her hands, holding the little ball of fur closer to his face.

"Siha, please." He moved his head back as far as possible. "I would prefer to not have this disease ridden vermin in my face."

"She is not vermin." Shepard exclaimed. "She's a cuddly little teddy bear."

"I will take your word for it." Thane's eyes shifted from Luna to Shepard.

"You're lucky you're cute." Shepard smiled and sat back down on her bed, cradling Luna against her chest.

Yes, Thane Krios was a dangerous man. But there was so much more to him than that. It was just a shame that so few got to see it. Though, he wouldn't be as feared and respected if it came out that he was afraid of hamsters.


	21. Face the music

**_Face the music_**

Shepard knew that there had been a reason for her staying out in space for so long after the end of the suicide mission. Frankly, she was glad that she had stayed. If she hadn't, who else were they going to send to deal with the Kenson-situation? It seemed no one believed the reapers were coming, apart from a very limited number of people. And a very, very small portion of that limited number of people were ideal for the mission. She wasn't with the Alliance at the moment, so if things went to hell, they could simply deny all knowledge of her mission.

Just after getting off the vidcall with Hackett, Shepard had ordered Joker to plot a course for Aratoth. She stood down in the shuttle bay, adjusting her armour for the umpteenth time. Going in alone made her slightly nervous, she had to admit. She had a bad feeling about this, but tried to brush it off as a reaction to anything that had something to do with the reapers.

After letting out a sharp sigh, Shepard grabbed her trusty Carnifex and gave it a once over.

"Commander, we're approaching Aratoht. If you want to get in unnoticed, I'd say get on that shuttle now." Joker's voice rang out.

"Copy that." She holstered her weapon.

Just as she was about to set her foot on the shuttle floor, the sound of the elevator caused her to pause. She glanced over her shoulder and her eyes fell on Thane. His face, usually a stoic mask, was filled with fear and worry.

"Siha, there must be another way." He said and grabbed her gloved hands. "The thought of you going in there alone makes me uncomfortable."

"You worry too much." She gave his hands a squeeze. "I'll be back before you know it. I'll grab Kenson, stop the reapers from coming into our galaxy and then we'll celebrate in my quarters."

The attempt at humour did nothing to calm Thane. Instead, he just gave her a look that made him resemble a kicked puppy. But he knew that she couldn't just let this go.

"Please, siha..." He pressed his forehead against hers. "Be careful."

"I promise."

He bit his jaws together and gave her a short nod. Before she stepped onto the shuttle, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his lips.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too, my siha. Come back to me soon."

* * *

Well, it turned out Shepard was right to have a bad feeling about the mission. Two days. She woke up two days after arriving on Aratoht with a pounding headache, a stomach that screamed for food and a throat that was as dry as the Sahara desert. But adrenaline is one hell of a drug. While she should have been weak and barely functioning, she was as good as every, barely even noticing how her body complained to what she was putting it through.

While she fought her way through the base, she tried to not think about her last promise to Thane. It had been a complete and utter lie. She hadn't been careful and she hadn't been back as quickly as she thought. And as she launched the asteroid towards the relay, she wondered if she was going to come back at all. It was certainly looking bleak, especially since the Normandy wasn't responding to her hails.

She also didn't try to think about the hundreds of thousands batarians' blood she was about to have on her hands. Later, when she was safe and sound with a hot meal in her stomach, she could think about the consequences of her actions. But while on that rock, her main goal was survival.

As she spoke with Harbinger and allowed her body to rest for a while since she woke up in the medbay, she started to become aware of the complaining of her muscles, the dryness of her throat and the stabbing pain in her stomach. Somehow, she managed to keep it together. She had always been good at that. Just keeping it together.

It was first when she stood over the galaxy map, leaning heavily against the railing, that she got hit with the full force of her body's weakness. Her legs shook, everything breath burned in her throat and she had to use every single bit of strength she had left to stand up.

"Siha." A familiar voice said from behind her.

Thane's voice was thick with worry. She couldn't really blame him. She had been gone for two days and now returned looking like shit after having destroyed a whole system. If the roles had been reversed, she'd be a mess.

"Thane." Her voice was croaked.

With a low groan, she collapsed onto the steps of the stair. Thane knelt before her and removed her helmet, looking at her with large, worried eyes. His hand ran over her cheek.

"Help me up." She requested, reaching towards him with a shaking arm.

From the armoury, Jacob emerged. She knew that it wouldn't take long before the news of her return spread around the ship and that she'd be swarmed by concerned squad mates. She'd deal with that later. Right now, she just wanted to sleep for a millions years.

Gently, Thane wrapped an arm around her waist and eased her into a standing position. The world swayed in front of Shepard's face and she blinked a few times, trying to clear her vision of the black spots that were appearing. Yeah, she was going to pass out. Before she could warn her lover of this, her eyes rolled back and she hit the ground with a loud crash.

* * *

Shepard sat on one of the cots in the medbay, with her head in her hands. Admiral Hackett had just finished speaking to her and had left her with conflicted feelings. She knew that she did the right thing, she bought them more time to prepare for the reapers. But, she had killed thousand of batarians. Their blood was on her hands. She wasn't going to get away with this, she knew that much. It was just better to get it over with, to turn herself over.

Sliding off the cot, she ran a hand through her hair. Her stomach was twisted into a tight knot, and she felt slightly sick. They weren't going to listen, she was pretty certain of this. But she had to try. For the sake of everyone in this galaxy.

With a heavy heart, she walked through the mess. Her head was bowed down and she refused to look at any of the workers. They were Cerberus and despite this, she had gone through hell and back to save them. They meant a lot to her. She trusted them and she hoped they trusted her. It wasn't until she reached the elevator that she looked up.

Thankfully, it was empty. She really wasn't feeling like talking to anyone. If someone tried to stop her, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to resist.

Ignoring Kelly's cheerful _Hey Shepard,_ she walked up to the galaxy map. Opening it, she set their destination to the Citadel. Once she had done this, she hung her head, biting her jaws together.

"Heading towards the Citadel. ETA one hour." Joker announced.

"EDI, tell the squad to assemble in the comm room."

"Yes, commander."

* * *

It was harder than Shepard had thought to say goodbye to her band of misfits. They had become her family, her friends. It had also been more emotional than she had expected. Even Miranda, the Cerberus bitch herself, had gotten a bit misty-eyed. Samara had given her a hug, thanking the commander for everything she had done for her.

One by one, her squad left the ship to book a ship to get back to wherever they were needed. Wrex had sent a shuttle to get Grunt back to Tuchanka, Mordin had said something about Sur'kesh and Tali needed to get back to the fleet.

The one who lingered the longest on the ship was Thane. He had waited until Shepard had said goodbye to everyone else before approaching her with a stoic look on his face. His hands were clasped behind his back.

"I'm coming with you." He said, his voice lacking emotion.

"What?" Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Like hell you are."

"I refuse to lose you, siha." A hard tone had crept into his voice. "The Alliance may do what they please with me, I will not leave you."

"Thane Krios, as your CO, I order you to get your glorious green ass off my ship."

"I refuse." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Thane..." Shepard placed her hands on his biceps, her voice more serious this time. "What about Kolyat? He needs you. And what if you get that transplant? The doctors on Earth aren't exactly used to performing complicated surgeries on drell. The Citadel is your best bet."

He bit his jaws together and unfolded his arms. His gaze lowered to the floor and he let out a sigh.

"Please, for me." Shepard begged.

There was no verbal response from Thane. Instead, he pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close against his chest. It was vibrating and she suspected he was fighting back tears. And to be frank, so was she.

"I love you." He whispered against her neck.

"I love you too, Thane."

They kissed deeply, savouring what could very well be their last kiss. Neither of them said it out loud, but they both knew it. It was more than possible they never saw each other in person again. The thought made Shepard's chest feel tight and she stepped away before her resolve faltered.

"Get out of here before I change my mind." She attempted to smile, but she failed miserably.

"Keep in touch." He kissed her again. "I have already lost one siha. Losing you as well... The thought is unbearable."

"Hey, no one is losing anyone."

"I'll take your word for it."

After hugging each other one more time, Thane grabbed the bag with the few things he had brought onto the Normandy. As he walked out the airlock, Shepard felt a lump from in her throat and she swallowed deeply to keep herself from bursting into tears.

"Hey, Commander..." Joker limped up behind her. "Ready to go?"

"Yep." Shepard wiped a hand over her cheek, just in case any tears had fallen. "Let's go and face the music."

* * *

 _So, yeah, this is going to be the last chapter of this story._

 _Thank you to all of you who have favourited, followed and reviewed. If you like my writing, please check out my other stories._

 _I also have plans on doing a story where Thane joins the Normandy to fight the reapers._

 _Thanks again for all your support :)_


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